Understanding and Accepting Your Emotions

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Understanding and Accepting Your Emotions

We all cope with emotions in different ways. Learning to understand and accept your emotions for what they are and what they can teach you is an essential life skill, one that can show you a great deal about yourself and help you grow as a person, in all areas of your life.

Choosing to ignore or push aside your emotions, instead of accepting them for what they are, is a sign of mental health trouble and can lead to serious health consequences, which you may not realize.

Truthfully, this applies more to negative emotions, the one where pain, hurt, disappointment, etc. form the basis. And those events/memories don’t have to be recent as our brain stores all of them. But, we typically hold on more to the negative ones -our brains are wired this way, unfortunately.

Emotional Acceptance

One of the most common reactions to emotions, especially negative or uncomfortable ones, is to ignore them or reject how they make us feel. Because they make us feel bad, we choose not to handle them, which means we are not adequately dealing with them. It’s said that negative emotions can feel like you haven’t eaten for a week.

One of the perils is that we try to rehash the negative event and trying to make sense of it; however, this just cements these memories more into our brain. Instead of accepting and processing these feelings, we may stuff them down or numb their effects with self-destructive behaviors like drinking or using drugs, sex, or spending; you can get angry and lash out or retreat and isolate.

While it is not healthy to walk around feeling bad all the time, that is not what emotional acceptance it all about. Emotions are feedback from your mind and your body. They give you valuable information that you need to pay attention to. When you ignore or dull these feelings, the problem still exists and will find another way to manifest in your life.

Emotional acceptance is allowing your emotions to occur without judging yourself for having them or trying to change how you feel. What you may not realize is that those emotions are there, waiting to come out. You can keep pushing them aside but they can consume you, either depleting your or leading you to react like Mt. Etna – neither is a good result.

Emotional acceptance requires that you stop trying to control your feelings because the emotions themselves cannot harm you. You have control over how much they influence your choices and decisions, so allowing yourself to feel them cannot harm you.

Emotional acceptance is not giving in to your emotions. It is, instead, a decision to stop struggling against them. You are putting down your weapons and allowing yourself to feel them so that you can move on from them in a healthy manner.

Acceptance v. Resignation

Accepting your emotion does not mean you resign yourself to always feeling this way. Just because you are sad now does not mean you give up and want to remain wretched forever. It is not about wallowing in your pain or negative emotions.

Instead, acceptance means that you are aware that this is how you feel right now. It is what is necessary for you in your life currently, and in the future, things will change, and you will feel better. When you accept your emotions, you do not hold on to these feelings but instead experience them in the present and become ready to move past them later.

If you don’t resolve them, or find a way to put them in a space that they no longer hurt you, they will take control; plus, you need to see that you have the ability to do so, thus raising your esteem and confidence for future events.

Why You Need to Practice Acceptance

Emotions are not something you can discard just because you do not like them. Your mind and body feel these emotions for a reason. Erasing them completely would not be healthy for you. Emotions are there to tell you what to avoid, what to value, and what makes you happy.

They help you decide who is essential in your life and how you should spend your time. Therefore, learning to listen to and accept your emotions can teach you a lot about what is essential in your life, if you know how to listen and stop trying to push them away.

So, you might ask if there is way to deal with these emotions safely? The answer is yes, but it is going to take time and practice. Changing habits is not easy but doable.

Here are a few steps you can take:

Take time to assess your emotions, and really being honest, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. We will always feel something first before we’re aware of our thoughts, i.e. stomach, short of breath, heart palpations, lashing out at others, etc.
Journal your thoughts and feelings – this releases held-in emotions, plus you can make more sense of these situations.
Talk with others, whether your family or friends, or it could be a therapist or coach. Getting outsider opinions can help us rethink ours.

Final Thoughts

Emotional acceptance frees you from the constant stress of struggling to mask or ignore what is troubling you and instead releases your emotional energy for healing and affirmative action moving forward. Identifying how you feel and then determining the purpose of this emotion can tell you a lot about yourself and your life. Learning to accept your feelings is crucial for your emotional health and well-being and can set you free from the burdens you carry. Plus, you will feel stronger to deal with anything that comes you way.

“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” — Aisha Mirza

Reach out if you’re wanting help with managing your emotions or improving your life. You don’t have to go it alone.

December 7, 2023

End of the Year Decluttering: Don’t Forget to Include Your Mind, Also

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The end of the year is a great time to leave the old behind to make way for the new. In addition to goal, this can be the time to declutter, aka, purging the old to make way for the new.

Before you can throw old items away, it’s vital to start by decluttering your mind. If you look at why you keep papers, mementos, and the like, is because there is some emotional attachment to them, hence mindset.

If you’re hanging onto to clothes that don’t fit, or the ugly vase your mother gave you for Christmas, or the exercise bike you might get around to using, you don’t just have a problem with too much stuff. You have a problem with letting go of bad feelings, ill-founded assumptions, old grievances and future worries.

If it feels good to declutter your house, it feels even better to declutter your mind, and letting go of those the ‘emotional baggage’ we tend to carry around.

Here are some useful expert tips to make some space in your mind.

Use mindfulness or meditation techniques:

You don’t have to do the full sitting on a cushion in a darkened room thing to benefit from meditation techniques. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, some simple breathing techniques can help you calm down and focus.

For a few minutes, focus only on your breathing and nothing else, such as the 4-7-8 rule (breathe in slowly for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, then slowly breathe out for a count of 8). Even a two-minute breathing practice will give you calm so you can think more clearly and start to working on letting go.

If your mind wanders or gets back into the worrying groove, you must put that aside and come back to focus on your breath. Taking a walk or, even, sitting outside brings calm but focus on the sounds you hear, what you see, what you feel (the sun or the breeze).

Write it down

It can help to write down anything that’s on your mind. Once all those worries are down on paper, you can prioritize them and work out a plan to deal with them. You can also assess them to identify what’s essential and what isn’t. When you can see what’s important, you can focus your energy and free up some of that mental space!

Stay in the present

Brooding over the past and worrying about the future take up a lot of space in your mind and achieves, precisely, nothing. Let go of regret over past mistakes or resentment of past slights and move on.

Keep your focus on what you can influence right here, right now. Journal about it, write a letter to the person or situation – but you burn it in the end to release those old thoughts and feelings.

Focus on what you can control right now – not the past or the future. Say a mantra to keep you focused, such as ‘stay in the present.’ Out minds need verbal prompts so this is a good practice to adopt.

Do one thing at a time

Multitasking is not only overrated and inefficient, it also leads to greater anxiety, and you won’t do any one thing properly. Actually, our brains can not do two things at one time, so trying to depletes brain energy.

It’s best to focus on doing things methodically and thoroughly. As you finish one task, move onto the next. Listing tasks you want to accomplish will give you direction on where to go, but not trying to accomplish all at once. Smaller steps lead to bigger changes.

Control all incoming data you take in

Every day we are bombarded by so much information – TV, news, social media websites, podcast, radio, YouTube, and the like. It can be overwhelming and addictive if your ‘not careful.

We talk about being available 24/7 and the 24-hour news cycle, but there is only one person who can control this: You.

You can choose to switch off your computer, smartphone, and tv and control the amount of data your brain is trying to process. You may have to start small, such as turning off your electronics for 15-30 minutes, then increase your time; at night or during meals, turn your phone off off. You can control how much information comes in, which will help you emotionally and physically.

Decluttering your mind will pay off in all sorts of ways you hadn’t imagined. You will be more productive, less stressed, and more motivated. Overall, you will feel more peaceful and confident you can handle anything that comes your way.

If you struggle with productivity or negativity in your life, reach out to get help. You can be in control of your life,

November 1, 2023

The Importance of Self-Belief

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In order to achieve any desire, you need to have one vital piece which is to have self-belief; this is also known as self-efficacy, or the belief that you can act in ways so you will achieve your goals (Bandura, 1977). Even if you say, on a conscious level, that you can do something you won’t if you don’t fundamentally believe that yo u can.

You may wonder why it is important to believe in yourself. The simple answer is that if you don’t, no one else will. Actions and results are what lead others to believe that you can do what you say you will; however, if you don’t follow through, then their trust wanes and they stop fully believing in you.

However, the reverse can be true: you may have accomplished a goal in the past but took your achievements for granted. You may have failed at something but allow that to stick, so your thinking may be “I’m not good at anything.” This, then, becomes your belief system and you may have the tendency to reject any compliments or attribute your success to good luck.

Truth is if was all you who achieved the tasks, but your psyche isn’t allowing you to accept this truth. Others see if but you don’t (or won’t). Getting to the fundamental truth is what will lead you to accept that you were the one behind the achievement – any.

Why is it so hard for you to have self-belief? We can look at some reasons, such as being raised where you were told to be self-less and do for others; another reason is that it could be looked at as bragging or boasting; some don’t want to draw attention to themselves; while for others, the fear if not being good enough comes in to play.

It’s actually those little gremlins lying dormant in your head but controlling your thoughts and beliefs. The more you allow them to stay in your head, the more power they have to control you and your actions. From working with clients s, their frustration with a lack of self-belief leads to anxiety and, in some instances, depression, as don’t believe they can change this way of thinking.

But, nothing can be further from the truth. I will say, however, that changing mindset is not easy but it can be done with practice and consistency. It’s a new way of challenging and changing your thoughts but focusing on positives versus negatives.

Here are a few tips to get started:

Keep track of your accomplishments – at the end of each day, write down activities you did and the successes you had; it doesn’t matter how big or small they are as you did them.
Keep an accomplishment jar or box – get a jar, with small strips of paper or sticky notes, and write down your achivements; it’s so gratifying when you see the jar fill up and, you can take one or two out if you’re feeling unmotivated or down on yourself.
Look back at a past event or achievement that you had originally believed you would not be able to do and write out that scenario, including the skills, resources, support, and mindset it took to make it happen.
Write down 10 things you like about yourself – be really honest, as this will allow you to identify and savor the good parts of you that you use every day.
Ask others – this one takes a bit of bravery, but ask your family, friends, or coworkers what is a word that comes to mind when they think of you. If you’re really brave, post this on your social media. I can tell you it’s very reaffirming when you hear positive thoughts and compliments from others.

Try one of these tips, then add another, so you can beging to change your mindset and view of yourself (belief). To look at this another way, you have already achieved and been through ‘stuff’ – you just have to see this viewpoint. Be sure to hold and savor the good so it will ‘feel’ good (we do tend to reject what doesn’t feel good). With enough consistency, new habits will be cemented and your self-belief and confidence will be second nature. Aren’t you worth it?

“Believe in yourself, our abilities, a d our own potential. Never let self-doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and hope for.” (Roy Bennett)

If you’re struggling with a negative mindset, reach out to see how we can help you change this way of thinking.

October 11, 2023

10 Key Reasons Why Personal Growth And Development if Good for You (and your life)

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If you want to do great things, move ahead in your life, reach your desired level of success, you must grow and develop. Without growth, you will stagnate and stay where you are, which can leave you feeling frustrated, anxious, depressed, and with a life of regret.

There are many benefits to work on your personal growth and development, which will benefit you both personally and professionally:

Better selves – your life will improve in all areas when you work on your growth and development.
Better life – armed with new growth, your life will improve as you feel more confident in dealing with any challenges you may face.
Connecting with our deeper selves – when you work on self-development, you will make deeper and stronger connections with who you are.
Making the necessary changes to be more effective within ourselves and our lives – you can’t make a change until you know the reason, the motivation, and the means to do so.

What exactly is personal development and what are some key reasons to pursue it?

What Is Personal Development

In short, personal growth is seeking to develop ourselves and improve. It applies to a wide variety of areas within yourself and in your life, including mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, work and career and relationships and social life.

Personal growth can help you deal with issues that cause you pain, strife and problems in your life. Personal development can expand your skill set, capabilities and unlock hidden potential you never knew you had.

Through the journey of personal growth, we strive to evolve and transform ourselves to be our very best selves and live our best lives.

With personal growth we strive to evolve, transform ourselves and to be our best and live our best lives. It’s important to keep in mind that personal growth is a highly individualized experience and varies from person to person. Your road to self-discovery and personal development is a journey unique only to you.

10 Key Reasons To Seek Personal Growth And Development

It really is a shame when people choose to live their lives without ever knowing who they are, without exploring new possibilities, without analyzing why they do the things they do, or feel how they feel, or that they simply accept feeling unfulfilled or unhappy with the status quo.

1. Self-Discovery

When’s the last time you really spent time with you? Thinking deeply about who you are, who you want to be and how to get there is one of the keyways personal growth; ithelps us to know ourselves, evolve, and even transform to become our best selves. Self discovery is an exciting journey – you can’t grow until you know all of who you are (thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, etc.)

“An unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates

2. Rewrite Your Story

No matter the issue, problem or obstacle in your life, you have full control in how you address and fix those for yourself. Personal growth allows you to look at yourself in an honest and comprehensive way to address where growth is needed and develop yourself in positive and proactive ways.

Self-improvement has become more important than ever in the modern world. From a high stress modern world, relationships, and social media to our own personal goals and dreams, it’s easy to fall into being stagnant without devoting enough time to making positive changes within ourselves and in our lives.

Personal growth and development allow us to take a proactive approach to develop new skills, create healthy habits, better ourselves in unlimited ways and to ultimately evolve into the best version of ourselves by taking conscious steps toward self-improvement. You can rewrite the direction of your life anytime you want (if you’re feeling frustrated in an area in your life, that is likely the story to work on).

3. Improve Your Self-Worth

Psychology Today defines self-worth as our “thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how that’s tied to the perception of our worthiness.” A healthy balance of self-worth can impact every aspect of our lives and even our physical and mental health. When you value yourself, you will achieve your desires have confidence achieve them.

4. Stronger Security In Who You Are

By making personal development (and all that it entails) a way of life, you’ll become more secure in your beliefs and who you are as a unique individual. That security will give you a great sense of inner happiness and peace of mind. How so? Because when you work towards your values, you’ll increase your sense of purpose.

5. Perspective

Personal development helps put situations in the right perspective. Knowing what you can and cannot control in your life will make your focus more concise and targeted to hit your personal and career goals.

6. Develop An Inner Tolerance

Personal growth is tied to inner tolerance. Meaning that when we gain to better understand ourselves, we’ll hold some self-compassion for setbacks and mistakes. Inner tolerance will also keep negative thinking at bay and help us to take on situations more practically. Treat yourself as you would one of your friends, who have quirks and flaws, but who you are tolerant of.

7. A Boost In Confidence

When you begin to notice the work you’ve put in your personal development journey, it’ll build your confidence to keep going. You’ll suddenly have the desire and motivation to take on bigger challenges. Remember, those big challenges start with small, incremental steps. Recognizing your accomplishments leads to having more confidence, write them down at the even of every day.

8. Improve Mental Health

Various options exist to improve yourself, within the realm of mental health, from adopting healthier coping skills to better managing stress and everything in between. When you put strategies in place that boost self-development, your mental health will flourish, too.

Your mental resilience will help you to cope with handling stress and avoid making rash decisions that can actually worsen a situation. You will improve your outlook on your ability to handle any fears or regrests Through emotional regulation, you’ll improve your overall wellbeing.

9. Stronger Relationships

When we make personal growth a priority, it can have a positive impact on those around us. By taking the time to understand ourselves first, we can then begin to better understand our relationships and the role we play in other people’s lives.

10. You’re Investing In Yourself

Lastly, seeking personal development is an investment in yourself. It’s putting yourself first unselfishly and cultivating your worth. By improving your habits, skills, or mindset, you’re telling yourself that you’re worth it. That you’re worth the effort and hard work it takes to get to your desired space. By taking care of yourself, you are expressing self-love, which is key to a better you.

Make the decision today to work on your personal development and growth; decide which area(s) need work, then choose one to start with. Your future self will thank you for the decision you make today.

If you’re ready to grow and work on your own development, reach out for help to get started. We’re here to help and support.

September 18, 2023

The Change You Seek May Be The Change You Fear

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If there is one constant in life, it’s that change is inevitable. Change can trigger growth, it ushers in new opportunities and welcomes transformation. The tricky thing about change is even when actively seeking it out, it is often the change that we fear.

Sometimes, changes have to be made due to circumstances that are not planned or anticipated. But, change isn’t always negative – it can be exciting and long sought after, but that doesn’t make it any less scary.

The Comfort Zone

One of the biggest reasons humans fear change is because it’s a step into the unknown. You’re safe in your predictable comfort zone. Even when you seek out change, you are pushing yourself into the unknown, and that is unsettling. It’s the state of homeostasis we live in – just wanting things to be the same, regardless if they are positive or negative.

You may choose to change careers or go back to school, but leaving the comfort of your stable job to do that can be anxiety-inducing. You leave behind your familiar routine to explore new challenges and with that comes uncertainty.

The Risk of Failure

The risk of failure is also a powerful factor that prevents people from pursuing change. Society has impressed upon us the idea that the worst thing we can do is fail. Remember this, if you fail it’s because you tried and that means a lot more than sitting back and letting life pass you by. It can be paralyzing – wanting for more but too worried to try.

There is another element of risk that prevents people from pursuing change. One that can be terrifying – even though you want to change and even though it will be a good thing, the idea of letting go of something else to create space for something new. It’s a cognitive bias that’s difficult to shake, even though you logically know the change is positive.

The Pressure

There are a variety of pressures that can make change even scarier. When peer pressure and societal norms come into play, it can be terrifying to push yourself to make the changes you want for fear of being judged harshly.

Then there’s your ego – self-identity is often tied up in job roles and circumstances. So, leaving a high-paid position to pursue your dream can be even scarier even though you want it. Your ego may have trouble processing it as the positive it is. Another caveat is in listening to the ‘shoulds’ in your head – and leaving them behind can be scary.

Navigating Change

As you embark on a journey of change, there are a few strategies you can use to get through. The first is to recognize your fear, no good will come of pretending everything is fine. Plus, we can make future situations worse than we know – you are not a mind-reader to predict the future but, you can certainly plan for it. You need to set realistic expectations because you will experience setbacks, but that’s no reason to give up.

Don’t be afraid to embrace the uncertainty and lean on your support network. Be gentle and kind with yourself and try to focus on all of the benefits, rather than getting caught up worrying about the change or potential negatives.

You can’t tackle this change as one big step, you have to break it down into small steps to make the process less overwhelming. Be prepared to challenge your limiting beliefs because they will crop up and they will make life difficult if you’re not ready to quash them.

The moves you make in the future should reflect your priorities and values, so make sure you’re well acquainted with yours.

Final Thoughts

It’s normal to fear change to some degree, but what isn’t normal is allowing that fear to stop you in your tracks. As tempting as it is to stay safe in your comfort zone, you will never lead the fulfilling life you deserve in doing so.

So, put yourself out there!

Take the risk, make the changes, and embrace the unknown! You never know when you will uncover your true potential. It isn’t something to fear, it’s something to savor and pursue. Be bold – make the leap to your future. Embrace the change you seek – it will hug you back.

What are you struggling with? Reach out to get support to help you answer the question and move forward boldly. We’re here for you!