The Change You Seek May Be The Change You Fear

If there is one constant in life, it’s that change is inevitable. Change can trigger growth, it ushers in new opportunities and welcomes transformation. The tricky thing about change is even when actively seeking it out, it is often the change that we fear.

 

Sometimes, changes have to be made due to circumstances that are not planned or anticipated. But, change isn’t always negative – it can be exciting and long sought after, but that doesn’t make it any less scary.

The Comfort Zone

 

One of the biggest reasons humans fear change is because it’s a step into the unknown. You’re safe in your predictable comfort zone. Even when you seek out change, you are pushing yourself into the unknown, and that is unsettling. It’s the state of homeostasis we live in – just wanting things to be the same, regardless if they are positive or negative.

 

You may choose to change careers or go back to school, but leaving the comfort of your stable job to do that can be anxiety-inducing. You leave behind your familiar routine to explore new challenges and with that comes uncertainty.

The Risk of Failure

 

The risk of failure is also a powerful factor that prevents people from pursuing change. Society has impressed upon us the idea that the worst thing we can do is fail. Remember this, if you fail it’s because you tried and that means a lot more than sitting back and letting life pass you by. It can be paralyzing – wanting for more but too worried to try.

 

There is another element of risk that prevents people from pursuing change. One that can be terrifying – even though you want to change and even though it will be a good thing, the idea of letting go of something else to create space for something new. It’s a cognitive bias that’s difficult to shake, even though you logically know the change is positive.

The Pressure

 

There are a variety of pressures that can make change even scarier. When peer pressure and societal norms come into play, it can be terrifying to push yourself to make the changes you want for fear of being judged harshly.

 

Then there’s your ego – self-identity is often tied up in job roles and circumstances. So, leaving a high-paid position to pursue your dream can be even scarier even though you want it. Your ego may have trouble processing it as the positive it is. Another caveat is in listening to the ‘shoulds’ in your head – and leaving them behind can be scary.

Navigating Change

 

As you embark on a journey of change, there are a few strategies you can use to get through. The first is to recognize your fear, no good will come of pretending everything is fine. Plus, we can make future situations worse than we know – you are not a mind-reader to predict the future but, you can certainly plan for it. You need to set realistic expectations because you will experience setbacks, but that’s no reason to give up.

 

Don’t be afraid to embrace the uncertainty and lean on your support network. Be gentle and kind with yourself and try to focus on all of the benefits, rather than getting caught up worrying about the change or potential negatives.

 

You can’t tackle this change as one big step, you have to break it down into small steps to make the process less overwhelming. Be prepared to challenge your limiting beliefs because they will crop up and they will make life difficult if you’re not ready to quash them.

 

The moves you make in the future should reflect your priorities and values, so make sure you’re well acquainted with yours.

Final Thoughts

 

It’s normal to fear change to some degree, but what isn’t normal is allowing that fear to stop you in your tracks. As tempting as it is to stay safe in your comfort zone, you will never lead the fulfilling life you deserve in doing so.

 

So, put yourself out there!

 

Take the risk, make the changes, and embrace the unknown! You never know when you will uncover your true potential. It isn’t something to fear, it’s something to savor and pursue. Be bold – make the leap to your future. Embrace the change you seek – it will hug you back.

 

What are you struggling with? Reach out to get support to help you answer the question and move forward boldly. We’re here for you!

 

 

 

 

It's Time to Release What You Can't Control

In a perfect world, when we experience hurt we would be able to get over it and move on. We would not feel resentment towards the person we perceive has disappointed us in some way. That’s right – when we get angry at someone else, it is because that person did not act in a way that we wanted or would have. We look at situations from our perspective, often forgetting that others have their own way.
In the workplace, we often get disappointed on a daily basis:

  • I didn’t get that project I knew I was perfect for
  • I didn’t get chosen to be on the superstar team as I’m a great fit
  • I didn’t get asked to lunch with the guys
  • I didn’t get that promotion
  • My boss seems to like ((*&% better
  • I am so disappointed in myself that I didn’t finish my work on time

The list can go on and on. These types of ‘hurts’ can call up our inner child, who may not like what it hears which then leads us to feeling anxious or angry. Depending on how we’ve learned to cope and adapt to stressful or unhappy situations is how we will respond. As our defenses kick in, we then pile this current hurt to ones from the past and soon may start to get angry and feel resentment towards those we feel have wronged us.
We know turn those hurts into:

  • (*^& took that project from me (now I will ignore them)
  • I didn’t want to be on that team anyway (now I’ll act icy to them)
  • Who wants to go out to lunch with a bunch of losers
  • My boss is such a jerk and doesn’t know what he’s missing out on (I think I’ll leave this job)
  • I don’t want to be a brown-noser like ((*&% (or maybe I will)
  • I should give it up – I’ll never make anything of myself (my father, teacher, etc. was right)

If these sound familiar – and they should as we ALL have these types of thoughts – then it’s time to release them and let them go. Holding on to them aren’t serving you, even though that inner child will cling to them with all their might. There comes a time in our lives when we have the realization that something must change and look inside to see why we don’t get asked to lunch or not getting recognized by the boss; perhaps it is how we present ourselves or we do not look open to others.
Past hurts can seal ourselves in a tomb of which we are the keepers and controllers of both ourselves and others. We don’t realize the level of control, and sometimes power, we wield over our emotions and behaviors, as well as those of others. When someone didn’t do something we wanted, and we get angry with them, it is because we wanted things our way, thus being in control.
One of the best ways to release past hurts and negative feelings is the Release Exercise (Doreen Virtue):
Take paper to write on; I recommend going outside to do this exercise as being in nature opens us up to receiving. Ask the question: “What am I holding on to that I need to release (let go of)? Then allow yourself to free-write, with no limits or judgements. When you’re done, look one last time at all the crap you’ve been holding on to and then burn the paper. It is very freeing as you watch those words burn. They no longer have any control over you or the way you think/behave. Now, your perspectives will change to be more open and positive, you will take more responsibility for your thoughts and actions, and you will no longer worry about what others are doing (which is freeing in itself). You may have to make some amends, however. But you will live more freely and authentically, which is when great things happen.
*Don’t forget – the push is on – two more days until the Challenge is over. You got this!
 

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