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February 26, 2025

Resilience: Finding Resolve During Tough Times

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We are at the end of another month – hard to believe how time is going quickly. I hope that the new year is treating you well, and that you are taking advantage of any and all opportunities that come your way. You may have to look for them or be open to receiving them; we can sometimes put a ‘blind eye’ to situations that seem scary.

With so many changes taking place these days, things can seem scary. But, it’s how you choose to look at them that will stop the fear from change that may be holding you back, whether that is emotionally or due to some other circumstance (finances, other people, laws, etc.). How do you push through and find your resolve – the strength and mindset to take action, despite any doubt or fear. This builds resiliency, or the ability to get back up and adapt to setbacks or life changes. Stuff will happen but not allowing them to stop you is what is needed.

If you have ever faced a challenge that you said, “I can’t do this or make it through” but you are still standing today, you have built your resilience. The important key is to go back and review how you made it through when you thought you wouldn’t’ – how did you solve the problem; did you worry about time, finances, legalities, and the like; did you lean on other people or resources for help. I think most people don’t really look at their hard – or traumatic – circumstance to see that they have survived and made it through.

Resolve is relying on your skills and abilities to determine how you will overcome any challenge while resiliency keeps you going. It’s a mindset that you will not be stopped until the desired outcome is reached; this helps you face the next challenge and the next. You will have the ability to think more clearly, to feel in control, and have good coping strategies that can help you emotionally. You will see the strong person you are, who can push through and survive any challenge or adverse situation you come across.

See yourself as the strong person and rely on your abilities; see setbacks as challenges rather than barriers; reframe negative thinking to more positive ones; use self-talk to uplift and motivate you (“you/I can do this…”); develop your ‘toolbox’ of coping strategies so you have them when needed, and use them often so they become good habits; praise and appreciate yourself for making it through. These help to develop and affirm your resolve so you remain resilient. Know that you are in control and not the other way around.

The key to life is resilience…We will always be knocked down.

It’s the getting up that counts. (Dominique Browning)

February 19, 2025

Having Courage – The Way to Do Anything

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Having courage is the way to do anything you want. Sounds easy, right? If having courage were easy, failure would not come in to play, as people would just do whatever task they want. Their goals would be a natural occurrence, and done quickly, as people would not hesitate or not move forward.

But, we know this is just an idle dream as people do hesitate, they don’t go after their desires, and they do fail. The question arises as to why there are some people who do fail but can get back up and try again. Think of The Wright Brothers or Walt Disney whose brilliant ideas didn’t work out…. until they did.

They, and many others like them, had the courage to try and try again, and again. Despite public outcry and judgements, these brave souls displayed courage to move forward despite what criticisms they faced.

We – you – need to have this same mentality to achieve your goals and dreams. But, what exactly does the word courage mean and how does one get it?

Courage is one’s ability to confront pain, fear, uncertainty, intimidation

or danger. There are different types of courage, which may range from

endurance and physical strength to mental stamina and innovation, which can be distinguished between physical and moral courage.

Physical courage involves having the courage when facing hardship, physical pain, the threat of death or death itself. Think of those in battle or pushing through after being laid off from a job.

Moral Courage is the ability of a person to act rightly when facing popular opposition, scandal, discouragement or shame. This one is very difficult for some people as they don’t want to ‘make waves,’ stand out, or go against popular opinion.

So what does separate those who act courageously versus those who don’t:

Feeling fearful but taking action despite it
Following your heart, i.e. passions
Standing up for what is right

These have all been briefly discussed earlier, so how does one become courageous?

Mindset plays the biggest part – you have to know your strengths and abilities and think/believe you can achieve. Knowing your strong-suits will give you more trust in yourself for you to rely on them; look at what you are known for, such as problem-solving, strategizing a goal, or it could be your sunny disposition. Knowing our strengths will get us through.

Believe – a part of mindset are beliefs which become fundamental and hard to change. Thoughts turn to actions which turn to beliefs. The more you think positively and think you can, then take some sort of action, the more you will believe you can do and achieve your desires. Daily, write down all your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. What did it take for you to do them – you might be surprised at your answers.

Take action – being courageous pushes you through any fear that may stop you, which is done by acting on your desires. Fears can hold you back as you may be thinking of a negative outcome or have talked yourself into how lacking you are. The brain is actually looking to protect you by being ‘safe’ and staying where you are. However, taking some type of action will lead to your desired outcome; start with the smallest step so your fear center doesn’t activate.

Visualize – see yourself with the desired outcome, as well as taking necessary actions that led you there. This is a great way to activate your brain for success. Utilize all of your senses in this exercise in detail. Our visual sense is one of the most powerful of the five senses so use it; you can close your eyes and ‘see’ you taking any actions to reach your goal; you can take a picture, draw, or find one from a magazine; what you see you start to believe and it primes your brain to go after it. I once consulted for a woman who had a picture of a house at least 20 times in her office; she said it was her dream home and she never wanted to forget what she was working for. She did get that house. It worked for her and can for you, as well.

Having courage does not equate with some large-scale event; for some people, it can mean getting out of bed or picking up the phone to schedule a job interview. Go back and look at all that you have accomplished in your life to ‘see’ how courageous you really are.

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

(Maya Angelou)

February 5, 2025

9 Tips for Handling Frustration in a Healthy Way

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Are you feeling frustrated these days? Our world is filled with changes daily, some of which are not of our choosing. The ‘old ways’ are no longer in practice and you may find yourself feeling frustrated in how to adapt.

Chances are you’ve been here before. You’ve probably even worked out some coping strategies for when you’re stressed. The problem is, some of those strategies aren’t the best, a fact you’re already aware of.

Handling stress in healthy ways is an ongoing challenge. That’s because as humans, when we’re frustrated, we tend to react rather than respond; these reactions can come out in adverse ways that are not healthy for us, or others.

The good news is that there are more natural and healthy ways to deal with your frustrations. Remaining calm and feeling in control will allow for more positive reactions that are good for your emotional health:

Accept It

The first step in dealing with anything is to accept the reality of it. Once you’ve acknowledged that you are frustrated, you can do something about it and it no longer rules your life. When you put a name to the real reason behind the feeling of frustration is when you can change that narrative and think more positively.

For example, you might be frustrated at work that your ideas are being ignored (or seem to be) by your team during meetings, but the emotion behind it might be that you feel unheard, devalued, or unworthy. Frustration is very vague but when you relate the thought, or reason, to a name this makes it more real and you can now take some action to go after what you truly want, i.e. to be listened to or allowed time to speak up in meetings.

Send an S.O.S

Pretend you are behind enemy lines and stuck there. You need to send out a distress signal to get help in escaping. Frustrating situations can hold us captive, as if we are prisoners, who are stuck in our thoughts. You can ask for help, but you’ll need to ask for that help in a letter. This is one of the best ways to gain perspective on what is leading to feeling frustrated but, also, to release them.

Describe your distress, including all details of how you got where you are. Ask for help and what kind you need. You can aim the focus on a particular person or group and tell them exactly how you feel. No one will see it or judge you so you can say whatever you need to; this is why writing is a great way to release these feelings.

When finished? Wish the person well, let them (or the situation) know you are releasing them and will no longer be controlled by those emotions. Then, destroy the letter – burning is the best way, but you can put it in the freezer or bury it. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel (and you might even get an idea for ‘rescues’ from the exercise).

Make a List

What are the possibilities and options toward fixing whatever is causing the frustration? List everything you can think of, even the silly ideas. Write what your ideal outcome is and how you would get there. You may be surprised at how creative you can be. You can use this list as a jumping off point toward finding a solution that can be useful now and in the future.

Laugh

Read something funny. Watch a comedy. Tune in to your favorite comedian. Find a class for laughter therapy or laughter yoga. Do something fun or with family/friends. The act of laughter releases endorphins in the brain, helping you to feel better and think more clearly. Laughter releases negative emotions – you can’t feel mad and happy at the same time. Frustration doesn’t stand a chance.

Look at the Big Picture

What will this frustration look like next week? Next month? Next year? Will it be as scary as it is today? Asking these kinds of questions helps you to put your frustration in perspective, making it smaller and easier to deal with right now.

Find Some Energy

Hang around people who are full of enthusiasm. Being around positive people helps you to remain positive and likewise energizes yourself. Frustration fades in this environment.

Socialize and Talk It Out

Talk about what’s frustrating you with someone else; you can even post the situation on your social media or in a group forum if you feel comfortable. You’ll find out very quickly that you’re not alone. More importantly, you’ll see other people who have successfully gotten past this very same point and can give you some suggestions you may not have thought of. If you aren’t in a position to be around others, you can always ‘talk’ out your frustrations as if you were speaking to someone else; this ‘empty chair’ exercise is great, especially if your write it out.

Focus on Something Else

Doing mindless, repetitive work helps to put your focus elsewhere. Break your frustrating task into tiny pieces and work each one with full concentration. Use the Pomodoro Method by working for 20 minutes then taking a break, etc; setting a timer will help you to keep focused. Celebrate progress; if you need to, start small and work up. Frustration gets lost in concentration.

Be Grateful

Lastly, one of the best ways to refocus your thoughts is by being thankful on what you think you don’t have and shows you what you do. It will change your thinking and gives you strength to get through.

There are dozens of ways to get past frustration. Experiment and find what works for you. The key is not to give in but to keep pressing onward. As with anything, the more you do these steps, the more they will become a (good) habit for any situation you might have.

At the end of the day, you’re responsible for yourself and your actions and that’s all you can control. So rather than be frustrated with what you can’t control, try to fix the things you can. (Kevin Garnett)

January 14, 2025

How to Find Your Real Motivation

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Now that we are heading into 2025, did you set new goals you want to achieve? This is the time when the majority of people feel invigorated to become more of what they are and leave behind old routines and habits. Whether that involves one’s job, health and fitness, relationships, or just to be a better person, this is the time for change.

However, change is not easy and going out of your comfort zone to do something new. It doesn’t matter if the change is beneficial – our bodies and brain don’t like ‘stepping out’ of that zone. It doesn’t feel right; after all, it’s easier to stay where you are as you know how to deal with the emotions that arise. It’s easier to justify why you’re not making a change or to put off the idea of doing so.

But any change involves motivation, or the drive to achieve a goal. Motivation can be driven by internal or external needs: internal needs are those that come from within us, that we are passionate about, or know it’s the ‘right’ thing to do (making more money or staying late to help a coworker out); external needs are desires we have from outside us to gain a reward or prevent a punishment, such as doing extra work to get a bonus or not wanting to get in trouble.

One of the biggest challenges you might face is to find that motivation, as simple as that sounds. Everyday people are finding it difficult to get enough motivation to get through the day. The lack of inner desire to get things done is usually a very daunting experience that can lead to less productivity and people struggling to do even the basic things. Comfort is less scary than doing a new action.

However, motivation is all about how one influences the mind and controls it to achieve the goals. If you also go through a similar phase and want to know how to find real motivation then just keep on reading.

Before I tell you some awesome ways to reel in inspiration, you must know what causes the lack of motivation. When we look for the opposite words of motivation, we get words such as discouragement, depression, dislike and difficulty to name a few. In fact, all of these reasons can be attributed to our lack of doing something. We might be discouraged about that activity if it didn’t work in the past, we may be depressed because of not taking action, we might find that something is too difficult for us to do so it’s easier to not do it, or we may have a general disliking towards something but feel compelled to make the change.

All of these, or even one of these reasons, may be causing you a lack of willpower which is what is needed to overcome and move forward. As mentioned earlier, fear is the main reason for not taking action. In this case, the biggest question is – how to find real motivation. It is all about the mind – the power of the mind – your mind, specifically.

Let’s look at some ways that can help you sort out your mindset and move away from your habit of procrastination, or avoidance, so you can go boldly into any change you truly desire, along with questions to ask yourself:

– What makes you want to not start or to quit?

The first step to get rid of your motivation problem is to find out the reason that makes you think that it’s ok to quit. We all know that the world is a difficult place and not everyone is good. However, what matters is how you take your steps and face your obstacles. If you feel depressed, pump up your mind with better thoughts and hang out with people who make you happy and are happy to be around you; get help if you need to – talking to someone can be a great way to release negative emotions. A new study shows that meditation is one of the best ways to ease depression (go to a class or visit YouTube).

– What is your goal and can you see it?

The second step to find your real motivation is to look up to your final goal. This means being crystal clear about that goal and the benefit you will get from having it. One of the best methods is using Everest Goal Setting; basically, you come from the frame that you already achieved the goal and work backwards to how you achieved it. Our brains have a unique ability to expand our thinking and ideation; it takes the pressure off of starting at the beginning which can lead to brain-freeze (fight-or-flight). Remember, your goal should be completion, not winning. If you take it easy with your goals and resolution, and complete them, you will be a much happier soul, and your motivation will be there both the present and the future.

– Commit to your resolution

When you sort out your initial problem, all you need to do is commit to your goal and your resolution. Sounds easy, right? Staying the course to see the goal realized will have bumps and turns (maybe some bruises, also) and waning in staying motivated. Accountability is needed, or what I call a feedback system. This can include having an accountability partner(s), such as your family, friends or colleagues, so that you have steady support always around you. Having people help you by being encouraging is always a plus-point.

Other suggestions: have a calendar or white board where you can document your daily activities and results; join a meetup group or club where you will find others with similar goals; make a vision board; find a mentor or a coach – all of these will keep you focused on your goals staying the course. We all need help along the way.

Finding your motivation takes time and effort but will be worth it in the long-run. Knowing how you ‘operate,’ so to speak, is the first and best way to make any changes you desire so you are reaching higher and living the life you desire.

“If you can change your mind, you can change your life.” (William James)

January 13, 2025

Being Kind as You Move into 2025

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As we are now into 2025, a lesson to adopt is to express kindness, not just to others but to yourself. Many people don’t put themselves front-and-center, often out of guilt or worry what others may think if they did.

But, if you aren’t kine to yourself first, how can you express this to others in an unconditional way? It’s like when you’re flying on a plane and they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before your children if there is an emergency.

Being kind can mean not pushing yourself to make or achieve goals, to lose weight, or to be someone or something new. While those are desirable goals, sometimes formulating them can lead to stress and anxiety over what a goal can entail, plush the thought of achieving them.

What I’ve found is that things will work out, one way or another. Being kind can mean just being and living in the moment until the time is right to come up with a goal you’d like to achieve and how you plan to do so. Pushing too hard can lead to a host of adverse emotions that can detract from you mental health and happiness.

Sometimes, just allowing can lead to good outcomes you want; often, not feeling pressured will open up your creativity and spark the motivation to reach them. Put kindness on your to-do list for this year and practice daily. Remember, the more you consistently do an action it will lead to becoming a habit that can change your life.