Being Affected by Coworkers Emotions? 3 Tips to Shut Them Down (nicely)

 

Do you deal with a coworker who affects you emotionally? These are individuals who:

  • are chronically late to work or on projects (and not with good reasons)
  • don’t contribute to the team
  •  don’t seem to comprehend the goal or processes and need constant direction
  • likewise, those who are eternal question-askers
  • are chronic complainers (and never offer a solution)
  • bark orders but never offer to pitch in
  • who seem to always be in a crises

I’m sure there are many others but these are some of the top reasons why clients come to me. They don’t know how to deal with these types of behaviors which leaves them feeling resentful, angry, or anxious. They often find themselves not wanting to go to work to avoid these individuals.

I find that high-performers are affected more by these bad behaviors;  you know these individuals who show up (or early) and get the work done happily; they are the solution-focused who aren’t willing to settle for the status-quo. These individuals have little tolerance for others who aren’t showing up each day to get the work done (and rightfully so).

When taking a job, there is an expectation that work is the focus in order to serve customers who keep the business successful.  However, in the day-to-day drudgery this seems to get lost and people get in their silos of just doing the job, forgetting the purpose of them being there. These individuals are at risk for finding the negatives in their role and becoming unhappy and disengaged. The result? The above behaviors.

Being affected by other’s emotions can become toxic for many over time, especially those who are empathetic in nature. Empaths tend to be givers and helpers and are great at trying to understand other’s viewpoints and actions. But these individuals can also take on others’ emotions, which neuroscience shows happens. This leaves them vulnerable to be emotionally affected in some way.

Take, for instance, being around a chronic complainer; an empath will feel this negativity more deeply and feel frustrated that they can’t help, or that their suggestions go unrecognized. Chronic complainers don’t want a solution – they want change but in their way. An empath will be unsure of how to proceed, leaving them frustrated and anxious to avoid the complainer; many begin to hate their jobs.

If this sounds familiar, here are 3 quick tips to reconnect with your job so you aren’t affected emotionally:

1. Stay in your own lane: focus only on your work-goals and outcomes you aim to achieve. Find the pleasures in the work you, tying them to your skills and talents, which leads to more confidence and satisfaction. You won’t have time to worry about what others are doing, or not doing, which stops any negativity you may experience.

2. Use empathy: Strive to hear what’s behind a behavior, as there is always some emotion there; this puts the responsibility on the person and not on you to help them solve their problem or take on their negative emotion. These individuals may be dealing with hard times in their personal life that spill over into the workplace. Also, be assertive and ask them to stop and take their complaining elsewhere.

3. Practice self-care: focus on your own happiness in  the work you do, as it this takes the focus off of the other person and puts it where it needs to be – you. Take deep breaths; remove yourself by taking a break and go outside; refocus on your own work tasks and your satisfactions in the job. When you focus on you and your needs, you won’t worry about others and they won’t affect you.

Other’s behaviors will only impact you if you allow them to. If anything, see yourself as having an invisible shield that you put up when around these types of behaviors that can’t be penetrated. You’ll be much happier doing so.

If you’re ready to rev-up your success factor, contact today for a free discovery/strategy session to learn how.

Do You Suffer From Imposter Syndrome?

A rather disturbing trend I’m seeing with clients lately is  that of imposter syndrome. If you’re not familiar with the term, it essentially means that one feels as if they are a fake or are just skating through, and they constantly worry that they will be ‘found out.’  More formally, it is self-doubt about one’s accomplishments and worry of being exposed as a fraud.

Low or lack of self-esteem is at the root of this syndrome. When one does not feel good about themselves, they will attach this negative view to their skills, abilities, and achievements despite being proficient in them, such as  an individual who is promoted to a supervisor role but doesn’t feel they should have the job or are being effective. This could lead them to hide in the background, allowing their peers to take more of a leader role, or to be hesitant when making decisions.

Imposter syndrome is a form of self-sabotage where one does not feel they deserve to have the things they want, either never going after them or, once having them, do something to mess it up (i.e. continually late for work, don’t finish projects, etc.). These negative feelings only lead to more negativity, along with stress and anxiety and a host of physical and emotional problems if left unattended.

Here are three quick tips to help you stop this cycle so you can live more authentically and successfully:

1. Be self-aware – the only way to create new habits (which is what you will be doing) is to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Pay attention to your thoughts and body sensations when you start to have a negative thought about yourself or you have a physical feeling, such as a tightness in your chest of stomach, jittery, neck or back pain, and the like. This is when you want to…..

2. STOP – when you are aware of your thoughts and feelings,you can then slow them down so they don’t get out of control. Taking deep breaths is a great way to gain control over your head and body so you can now think more clearly. Deep breathing is a great brain refresher, also, which helps with focus and attention.

3. Own your ‘stuff’ – you must begin to recognize your greatness; write down daily any compliments you hear, actions people take, i.e. holding the door open for you or letting you into traffic, as people recognize you; also write down any actions you take towards others as well as any accomplishments you have during the day – no matter if big or small.  This helps with self-esteem and self-belief, both of which lead to being confident in all areas of your life.

By creating new positive habits, the imposter mask will fall off and you will be able to stand fully in your authenticity  and do your best work. You will feel confident in taking advantage of opportunities and be present with others. Using the above techniques daily will help you to be your own champion and stand fully in your  excellence.

If you want to stop the struggle  and get clarity on your business or career goals, why not get some help –  contact me today to get started.