The Root Cause of Not Putting Yourself Out There and How to Break Free

I was in a Facebook group the other day and was quite surprised at answers that were given to a question, which related to marketing activities. Not only were there many similarities but what was surprising was how many had the same response, which related to not putting themselves out there to market themselves.

This is a common issue, one which I will admit I have struggled with myself. The worry about being visible and being a thought-leader scares many, both small business owners and those who work in an organization. This worry transcends across all genders and ages. If not caught early, the results can be detrimental to success.

Why does this occur and can anything be done to stop or reverse it? It really comes down to thoughts and emotions and imprinting that was done at an early age. Getting to the root cause will be easier to challenge the thoughts and stop the cycle. Irrational fears result from those early experiences.

If you think back to a time, say when you were six, and you got yelled at by a teacher or parent it may lead to worry about getting yelled at for other experiences. If you were compared to your sibling or classmates (the nuns in my grade school were good for this one), then your thoughts may turn to not being pretty enough.

The more we hold on to these thoughts, as if we’re replaying a movie, the more embedded they become in our unconscious mind waiting there to arise in the most inopportune  times, such as when you are going to ask the boss for a raise or promotion.  Our unconscious mind really controls our thoughts and resulting actions, as that is where 98% of those unconscious thoughts live.

The key to breaking free is to identify those thoughts and experiences you’ve lived through. They were in the past so it becomes about leaving them there or putting them in a place you can put them, i.e. think of a box. Mark Waldman, a neuroscience expert, says that you can write down all your worries, concerns, problems, etc. but not to hide them as the brain will  worry about them.

When we allow these negative thoughts and events to have life, they become bigger than we want and ultimately result in holding back from new experiences to avoid what occurred in the past. As you don’t know if any event will occur with absolute certainty, you are wasting a lot of time worrying about something you don’t know versus going forward on what you do want.

Say you want to ask for a promotion, you don’t know if the boss will say no; but, even if he does, it could open up the door to discussing future opportunities. Perhaps there is no budget for a new position or no opening; however, he could find a project to work on that would provide opportunity to enhance your skills and raise your profile for when an opening becomes available. It can feel like you’re up against a brick wall, with no way over or through.

The key to breaking free from these blockages is to release them. Identify the source, challenge any thoughts around them, then replace them with positive ones. I find this practice very helpful when I get blocked and know they work. It will take practice to get out this negative pattern but, with consistency and a positive mindset you will get there. Is today the day you decide to release your blocks?

If you want to stop the struggle  and get clarity on your business or career goals, why not get some help –  contact me today to get started.

 

Routines and Discipline Are the Key to Get the Results You Want

Several years ago, a former business client of mine had been very frustrated that her online business was not going the way she had wanted.  When she sought out my services, she reported that she felt confused as to why her business was not going the way she wanted it to; she had some clients but found that her customers were not consistent in their spending and buying habits.  She wanted to gain more revenue and expand her online services.

However, as we assessed her business framework, it became apparent that a big part of the inconsistent results she was finding was due to her lack of self-discipline as a business owner.  While she wanted her business to grow, her activities were lacking, meaning that she did not have her own personal “system” in place that would keep her focused and motivated to build her business.   See if these “mistakes” you are guilty of and the solutions to get you on the right track:

  • No Written Focus – this can be your mission statement or the “why” of your business.  While my client had great ideas for her business, she did not have many of them written down.  Without a mission focus, you won’t know how or where you want your business to go. You will be aiming but not towards anything specific and it will take you twice as long to grow.
  • No Written Plan – without a written plan for your business, you are doomed to fail.  The business plan is your road-map that lays out all parts of your business and how you plan to market your services.
  • No Systems – everything you do is a system; how you gain leads to how you close the sale to how you develop your programs and services.  Knowing the steps you take in each area of your business will save you time and money as you take the same steps with each client.  A system also shows your clients that you are customer-service focused and a valid business entity.
  • No Personal Discipline – having all of the above is effective for your business but if you don’t take it seriously, you will see slow or poor results and become frustrated and disillusioned.  Self-discipline behaviors include:  waking at the same time in the morning; having clear daily task lists and staying focused until they are completed; setting financial goals and balancing the books; setting daily, weekly and monthly goals for the number of clients you want/need to contact and your results; not checking emails or iPhone until the most important tasks are done; taking rest breaks to ensure you are refreshed and recharged to do your best work.
  • No Commitment – like my client, you might have the best intentions and are taking action but your efforts are rather noncommital.  It’s like you are “half-in/half-out”, as some days you are full-on while at others times you feel ambivalent and willing to take the status-quo.  Being committed means that you fully believe in what you do and are willing to do what it takes.

Once my client recognized these negatives, she was willing and able to correct and overcome them.  We refined a new vision and mission for her business and wrote a simple plan that consisted of clear goals and activities that would help her accomplish them.  She recommitted to her business with renewed passion and excitement and mapped out how she was going to spend her days.  There was no ambivalence or questioning where her business was going.  A year later, she is doing well and her life and business are thriving; she developed the discipline habits that made it happen.  You can, too!

Your Weekly Action Plan

Begin this week to assess your commitment and self-discipline for all areas of your life, such as your business, your career, your finances, your eating or exercise habits, and your mindset.  See where you can commit to improve and implement at least one positive step.  Write those down and focus on them daily.  Monitor your progress at the end of each day and reaffirm your commitment.

 I hope you have a successful week – If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, or in developing your action plan, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started. I’d love to help you build the career and business of your dreams!

 

 

Monday Success Tips: Feel Stuck? Use the Rule of 10-10-10

 

Ever feel stuck? When balancing work and life, keeping the focus on your newly set goals and desires – all the things you truly want – can be a bit frustrating in trying to keep them in your awareness and in being reachable.  It seems that we get programmed to think more on what we don’t want and we use language that speaks to this:

 

“I don’t want to have to struggle paying my bills each month”

“I want a new job but no one is hiring right now”

“I don’t like how I feel – I’ll start working out later”

 

Using words that are negative and detrimental to the psyche only will keep you down and doing the very things you don’t want to.  Here is a very easy exercise to get you out of the “muckies” and get you leaving them behind. If your situation(s) are truly frustrating you, then the answers should wake you up.

 

This is called the 10-10-10 Rule; think of your issue and the ‘pain level’ of not working on it, and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. If I don’t work on my current issue, will it make a difference in 10 minutes?
  2. If I don’t work on my current issue, will it make a difference in 10 months?
  3. If I don’t work on my current issue, will it make a difference in 10 years?

For example, if you are really unhappy in your job, and the pain level brings you sleepless nights, anxiety, anger, etc. asking these questions should help you to decide that even 10 more minutes of experiencing these symptoms is detrimental to your health and you will make the decision to look for a new job.  If you didn’t any action, do you want to be in the same place in 10 more months or 10 more years?

 

Hopefully, the answers will lead you to see that you need to make some big changes; looking at the ‘dark side’ of your situation will no longer be an option.  You now have the decision to do something about your life and the direction you want it to go.  10-10-10 is a simple but powerful tool to move you forward and get the end results you want in your life.

Your Weekly Action Plan

This week, list all the things you don’t want (job, finances, relationships, health, etc.) and assess them for importance; assign a number for the level of pain – how frustrated you are – to them.  Now, apply the 10-10-10 questions to see which one(s) pains you the most. Write out exactly what you DO want in clear terms and what steps you need to take to get it – put a date to start and to achieve.  When you feel tempted to give up because ‘it’s too hard,” keep the 10-10-10 questions in mind – they should help you remember the pain and spur you to keep taking action,

I hope you have a successful week – If you need help in your leadership role, or for your team,  why not get some help; stop the struggle and call today to get started. I’d love to help you get the confidence you need and create a culture your employees will love.

 

Monday Success Tip: Beating Resistance on Goals

Happy Monday! Now that the holidays are over, today feels like the ‘official’ start of the new year. This is typically the time to start taking action on goals that are set. Getting- and keeping – motivation is the key to following through on those set action.

But, motivation can ebb and fade. It all comes down to resistance, which can look like a time when you had  a project that you needed to complete but you procrastinate, or you don’t return a phone call or, worse, not pick up the phone. There is something going on in a deeper level that is blocking you from doing the things you either want or need to do.

It really comes down to change and moving away from the comfort zones we get into; when we want to move out of this ‘zone,’ the brain and body have a way of trying to pull you back into safety which means you will continue to think and behave the way you have.

All this does is sabotage your mood, your thinking, and your success. Eventually, it will take a toll on your money and your relationships; it’s like a vortex you go down and, without addressing it, you might not get out of.

So, how do you stop and reverse this bad habit (yes, habit)? Here are three ways to do so:

  1.  I would recommend taking time to sit in deep reflection as to what you are thinking, feeling, doing when it comes to your work (it could be any task) – do you worry you won’t have enough time, money, support; do you think it won’t be ‘good enough’ or will be rejected; are you doing this task because you think it’s important or for someone else. Answering these will get to the root of the matter – now you can do something about it
  2. Changing your mindset is critical in order to change your conscious thinking; I encourage you to write down your belief and then ask yourself if you absolutely know it to true (ala The Work). Challenging your negative beliefs will help you to see that it is your belief and not that of others. If you didn’t have that thought – what would you be?
  3. Rewrite any negatives into a positive so it becomes more motivating, compelling, and easy for your brain to accept. By bringing the unconscious thought to consciousness, it loses its appeal and opens you up to coming up with all kinds of possibilities to deal with it.

I have been using these techniques and can tell you they are effective. I also would add to put some downtime – self-care and fun – in the mix as this will also open up your creative mind and level of happiness. Both are essential to moving forward and being accomplished.

See change as positive and focus on the benefits you will received when you have that goal. This is a great way to move past any resistance and develop the habit of embracing changes in your life. Doing so makes you unstoppable.

 

Your Weekly Action Plan

Begin this week to take stock of any tasks or projects, or times, that you find you are hesitating/procrastinating/avoiding doing. Use the steps above to figure out “why” and do the exercises to stop any bad habits and begin to develop ones that will lead you to the life you desire.

 

I hope you have a successful week – If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, or in developing your action plan, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started. I’d love to help you build the career and business of your dreams!