The Change You Seek May Be The Change You Fear

If there is one constant in life, it’s that change is inevitable. Change can trigger growth, it ushers in new opportunities and welcomes transformation. The tricky thing about change is even when actively seeking it out, it is often the change that we fear.

 

Sometimes, changes have to be made due to circumstances that are not planned or anticipated. But, change isn’t always negative – it can be exciting and long sought after, but that doesn’t make it any less scary.

The Comfort Zone

 

One of the biggest reasons humans fear change is because it’s a step into the unknown. You’re safe in your predictable comfort zone. Even when you seek out change, you are pushing yourself into the unknown, and that is unsettling. It’s the state of homeostasis we live in – just wanting things to be the same, regardless if they are positive or negative.

 

You may choose to change careers or go back to school, but leaving the comfort of your stable job to do that can be anxiety-inducing. You leave behind your familiar routine to explore new challenges and with that comes uncertainty.

The Risk of Failure

 

The risk of failure is also a powerful factor that prevents people from pursuing change. Society has impressed upon us the idea that the worst thing we can do is fail. Remember this, if you fail it’s because you tried and that means a lot more than sitting back and letting life pass you by. It can be paralyzing – wanting for more but too worried to try.

 

There is another element of risk that prevents people from pursuing change. One that can be terrifying – even though you want to change and even though it will be a good thing, the idea of letting go of something else to create space for something new. It’s a cognitive bias that’s difficult to shake, even though you logically know the change is positive.

The Pressure

 

There are a variety of pressures that can make change even scarier. When peer pressure and societal norms come into play, it can be terrifying to push yourself to make the changes you want for fear of being judged harshly.

 

Then there’s your ego – self-identity is often tied up in job roles and circumstances. So, leaving a high-paid position to pursue your dream can be even scarier even though you want it. Your ego may have trouble processing it as the positive it is. Another caveat is in listening to the ‘shoulds’ in your head – and leaving them behind can be scary.

Navigating Change

 

As you embark on a journey of change, there are a few strategies you can use to get through. The first is to recognize your fear, no good will come of pretending everything is fine. Plus, we can make future situations worse than we know – you are not a mind-reader to predict the future but, you can certainly plan for it. You need to set realistic expectations because you will experience setbacks, but that’s no reason to give up.

 

Don’t be afraid to embrace the uncertainty and lean on your support network. Be gentle and kind with yourself and try to focus on all of the benefits, rather than getting caught up worrying about the change or potential negatives.

 

You can’t tackle this change as one big step, you have to break it down into small steps to make the process less overwhelming. Be prepared to challenge your limiting beliefs because they will crop up and they will make life difficult if you’re not ready to quash them.

 

The moves you make in the future should reflect your priorities and values, so make sure you’re well acquainted with yours.

Final Thoughts

 

It’s normal to fear change to some degree, but what isn’t normal is allowing that fear to stop you in your tracks. As tempting as it is to stay safe in your comfort zone, you will never lead the fulfilling life you deserve in doing so.

 

So, put yourself out there!

 

Take the risk, make the changes, and embrace the unknown! You never know when you will uncover your true potential. It isn’t something to fear, it’s something to savor and pursue. Be bold – make the leap to your future. Embrace the change you seek – it will hug you back.

 

What are you struggling with? Reach out to get support to help you answer the question and move forward boldly. We’re here for you!

 

 

 

 

How do You React to Unplanned Change?

I was in church this morning, which is merging with another church; today was the first day the two were brought together. I used to attend both at one time but this came as a surprise. However, what should have been a holy experience was interrupted by a woman who sat in front of me, who was obviously very displeased. She kept shaking her head and making some snide comments that were loud enough to be heard.
What should have been an uplifting service was now – not. It made me think of both the how and why one reacts to unplanned change; heck, change in general. If things don’t turn out the way we anticipated, we either accept or not. Both, however, can lead to some anxiety and resistance.
When we anticipate the future, this can lead to worry about what that might look like. The fear center in our brain – the amygdala – activates and releases certain chemicals into our system. How we have responded to scary situations sets how we react when those situations threaten us in some way. Usually, these situational outcomes are created in our mind, although our responses become more automatic, especially if we have the same responses over time. So, the worry can also come out as anger, like the woman in church.
I don’t know if she didn’t like the distance she now has to drive, if she was upset that new members were coming in, or the new practices they implemented; I do know, however, that she was not happy and did not either care or realize that she let it show. Getting in our ‘rightness’ leads to resisting change of any type: our thoughts, our way. The question to ask is: if you would rather be right in your way or to be happier? The thought here is that you win so I lose but, in the grand scheme of things, no one is winning.
You can either wait and see, or go along with, the change or you can resist. You never know if the change may actually be enjoyable but when you think negative, you get negative and are not open. As we can never know an outcome, stop trying to control it. Be open enough to ‘go with the flow’ and wait it out; this will allow you time to make an informed decision for how you want to proceed from then on. Going back to the woman I spoke of earlier, she can either go to another church or she can give it time to see how things go. I prayed that she opens her heart enough to find out.
We all have the ability to assess how we respond to adverse situations and unplanned change; we also have the ability to learn to control how we view those situations and our responses. Go back and think of a time when you had an unplanned event and how you looked at it and how your responded; rate the magnitude of the event (finances, job loss, divorce, etc. all have high magnitudes), and then begin developing solutions to fall back on. Challenge and reframe your thoughts so you feel more in control. I pray that you open your heart enough to find out.

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