Being Affected by Coworkers Emotions? 3 Tips to Shut Them Down (nicely)

 

Do you deal with a coworker who affects you emotionally? These are individuals who:

  • are chronically late to work or on projects (and not with good reasons)
  • don’t contribute to the team
  •  don’t seem to comprehend the goal or processes and need constant direction
  • likewise, those who are eternal question-askers
  • are chronic complainers (and never offer a solution)
  • bark orders but never offer to pitch in
  • who seem to always be in a crises

I’m sure there are many others but these are some of the top reasons why clients come to me. They don’t know how to deal with these types of behaviors which leaves them feeling resentful, angry, or anxious. They often find themselves not wanting to go to work to avoid these individuals.

I find that high-performers are affected more by these bad behaviors;  you know these individuals who show up (or early) and get the work done happily; they are the solution-focused who aren’t willing to settle for the status-quo. These individuals have little tolerance for others who aren’t showing up each day to get the work done (and rightfully so).

When taking a job, there is an expectation that work is the focus in order to serve customers who keep the business successful.  However, in the day-to-day drudgery this seems to get lost and people get in their silos of just doing the job, forgetting the purpose of them being there. These individuals are at risk for finding the negatives in their role and becoming unhappy and disengaged. The result? The above behaviors.

Being affected by other’s emotions can become toxic for many over time, especially those who are empathetic in nature. Empaths tend to be givers and helpers and are great at trying to understand other’s viewpoints and actions. But these individuals can also take on others’ emotions, which neuroscience shows happens. This leaves them vulnerable to be emotionally affected in some way.

Take, for instance, being around a chronic complainer; an empath will feel this negativity more deeply and feel frustrated that they can’t help, or that their suggestions go unrecognized. Chronic complainers don’t want a solution – they want change but in their way. An empath will be unsure of how to proceed, leaving them frustrated and anxious to avoid the complainer; many begin to hate their jobs.

If this sounds familiar, here are 3 quick tips to reconnect with your job so you aren’t affected emotionally:

1. Stay in your own lane: focus only on your work-goals and outcomes you aim to achieve. Find the pleasures in the work you, tying them to your skills and talents, which leads to more confidence and satisfaction. You won’t have time to worry about what others are doing, or not doing, which stops any negativity you may experience.

2. Use empathy: Strive to hear what’s behind a behavior, as there is always some emotion there; this puts the responsibility on the person and not on you to help them solve their problem or take on their negative emotion. These individuals may be dealing with hard times in their personal life that spill over into the workplace. Also, be assertive and ask them to stop and take their complaining elsewhere.

3. Practice self-care: focus on your own happiness in  the work you do, as it this takes the focus off of the other person and puts it where it needs to be – you. Take deep breaths; remove yourself by taking a break and go outside; refocus on your own work tasks and your satisfactions in the job. When you focus on you and your needs, you won’t worry about others and they won’t affect you.

Other’s behaviors will only impact you if you allow them to. If anything, see yourself as having an invisible shield that you put up when around these types of behaviors that can’t be penetrated. You’ll be much happier doing so.

If you’re ready to rev-up your success factor, contact today for a free discovery/strategy session to learn how.

The Root Cause of Not Putting Yourself Out There and How to Break Free

I was in a Facebook group the other day and was quite surprised at answers that were given to a question, which related to marketing activities. Not only were there many similarities but what was surprising was how many had the same response, which related to not putting themselves out there to market themselves.

This is a common issue, one which I will admit I have struggled with myself. The worry about being visible and being a thought-leader scares many, both small business owners and those who work in an organization. This worry transcends across all genders and ages. If not caught early, the results can be detrimental to success.

Why does this occur and can anything be done to stop or reverse it? It really comes down to thoughts and emotions and imprinting that was done at an early age. Getting to the root cause will be easier to challenge the thoughts and stop the cycle. Irrational fears result from those early experiences.

If you think back to a time, say when you were six, and you got yelled at by a teacher or parent it may lead to worry about getting yelled at for other experiences. If you were compared to your sibling or classmates (the nuns in my grade school were good for this one), then your thoughts may turn to not being pretty enough.

The more we hold on to these thoughts, as if we’re replaying a movie, the more embedded they become in our unconscious mind waiting there to arise in the most inopportune  times, such as when you are going to ask the boss for a raise or promotion.  Our unconscious mind really controls our thoughts and resulting actions, as that is where 98% of those unconscious thoughts live.

The key to breaking free is to identify those thoughts and experiences you’ve lived through. They were in the past so it becomes about leaving them there or putting them in a place you can put them, i.e. think of a box. Mark Waldman, a neuroscience expert, says that you can write down all your worries, concerns, problems, etc. but not to hide them as the brain will  worry about them.

When we allow these negative thoughts and events to have life, they become bigger than we want and ultimately result in holding back from new experiences to avoid what occurred in the past. As you don’t know if any event will occur with absolute certainty, you are wasting a lot of time worrying about something you don’t know versus going forward on what you do want.

Say you want to ask for a promotion, you don’t know if the boss will say no; but, even if he does, it could open up the door to discussing future opportunities. Perhaps there is no budget for a new position or no opening; however, he could find a project to work on that would provide opportunity to enhance your skills and raise your profile for when an opening becomes available. It can feel like you’re up against a brick wall, with no way over or through.

The key to breaking free from these blockages is to release them. Identify the source, challenge any thoughts around them, then replace them with positive ones. I find this practice very helpful when I get blocked and know they work. It will take practice to get out this negative pattern but, with consistency and a positive mindset you will get there. Is today the day you decide to release your blocks?

If you want to stop the struggle  and get clarity on your business or career goals, why not get some help –  contact me today to get started.

 

Monday Success Tip: Beating Resistance on Goals

Happy Monday! Now that the holidays are over, today feels like the ‘official’ start of the new year. This is typically the time to start taking action on goals that are set. Getting- and keeping – motivation is the key to following through on those set action.

But, motivation can ebb and fade. It all comes down to resistance, which can look like a time when you had  a project that you needed to complete but you procrastinate, or you don’t return a phone call or, worse, not pick up the phone. There is something going on in a deeper level that is blocking you from doing the things you either want or need to do.

It really comes down to change and moving away from the comfort zones we get into; when we want to move out of this ‘zone,’ the brain and body have a way of trying to pull you back into safety which means you will continue to think and behave the way you have.

All this does is sabotage your mood, your thinking, and your success. Eventually, it will take a toll on your money and your relationships; it’s like a vortex you go down and, without addressing it, you might not get out of.

So, how do you stop and reverse this bad habit (yes, habit)? Here are three ways to do so:

  1.  I would recommend taking time to sit in deep reflection as to what you are thinking, feeling, doing when it comes to your work (it could be any task) – do you worry you won’t have enough time, money, support; do you think it won’t be ‘good enough’ or will be rejected; are you doing this task because you think it’s important or for someone else. Answering these will get to the root of the matter – now you can do something about it
  2. Changing your mindset is critical in order to change your conscious thinking; I encourage you to write down your belief and then ask yourself if you absolutely know it to true (ala The Work). Challenging your negative beliefs will help you to see that it is your belief and not that of others. If you didn’t have that thought – what would you be?
  3. Rewrite any negatives into a positive so it becomes more motivating, compelling, and easy for your brain to accept. By bringing the unconscious thought to consciousness, it loses its appeal and opens you up to coming up with all kinds of possibilities to deal with it.

I have been using these techniques and can tell you they are effective. I also would add to put some downtime – self-care and fun – in the mix as this will also open up your creative mind and level of happiness. Both are essential to moving forward and being accomplished.

See change as positive and focus on the benefits you will received when you have that goal. This is a great way to move past any resistance and develop the habit of embracing changes in your life. Doing so makes you unstoppable.

 

Your Weekly Action Plan

Begin this week to take stock of any tasks or projects, or times, that you find you are hesitating/procrastinating/avoiding doing. Use the steps above to figure out “why” and do the exercises to stop any bad habits and begin to develop ones that will lead you to the life you desire.

 

I hope you have a successful week – If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, or in developing your action plan, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started. I’d love to help you build the career and business of your dreams!

Choose Your Power Word(s) for 2020

Choose your words tiles

Welcome to 2020 and Happy New Year’s Eve! I hope have some plans to ring in the new year and that they include time with family and friends. How you end the year can determine how your year plays out. Starting with a good mindset is key to moving your forward and keeping the motivation high

As I’ve done in the past, it is time to choose a word to set the tone and direction for how I want my year to go; I have to admit that this year was a bit harder for some reason.

In the past, these are words I have had:

  • Determined – as opposed to intentions, I am determined to work on the goals I’ve set, both personally and professionally. Being determined is way more powerful than intending to do something so I want to send the ‘right’ message to my brain; this way, it will act on what I’ve chosen to focus on much more powerfully.
  •  Inspire – my mission is to inspire individuals to choose to be the best they can be; I see so many of my clients (and my students) who have no idea how awesome they are and that is why I want to bring their self-awareness into clarity so they can go after everything they want in their lives.
  • Believe – I’ve written on this before, which is the concept of self-efficacy; if you don’t truly believe that you can accomplish all that you say you want and desire then you have no chance of fully getting them done in the way you intended. Having full belief impels you taken action.

A few others include Carpe Diem and Do It Now! I actually have little whiteboard easels that I write on and have near my computer so I can be inspired while I work.

This year, as I mentioned, was a struggle but I’ve decided on the work ‘Emerge’ which, to me, means coming out from under any shadows I’ve hidden behind; this means doing videos (which scare me), starting a podcast, and upscaling my business.

Emerge means “to move of or away from something and come into view; to become apparent, important, or prominent” (Oxford Dictionary). I want to be all of those descriptions.

One other I would add is ‘Be a Disruptor,’ meaning to shake things up and do things differently. My desire is to reformulate how work is done  – moving away from the traditional ways and going more towards happier and higher performing workplaces. Considering engagement levels are still low, around 34% (Gallup, 2019), something needs to be done.

So those are my words for this year – now it’s time for you to set yours (if you haven’t done so). Doing this exercise will really ramp-up your motivation and effort so let’s get started!

Your Weekly Action Plan

If you haven’t, take time to sit and reflect on a word, several words, or a phrase that has deep meaning and that you would like to reflect how you live your days in this new year. Some examples include: “no excuses;’ ‘Carpe Diem (Seize the Day);” “Truth;” and “Monetize.” Once you determine your word(s) and direction write and post it where you can focus on it daily as a reminder. Keep focus on them by saying or writing them loudly every day – soon, you will have them embedded in your brain and they will become a positive habit you won’t have to think about. But your results will be extraordinary. In life, mindset matters. Be safe out there tonight!

If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, or in developing your action plan, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started. I’d love to help you build the career and business of your dreams!

 

8 Little Changes to Make You Feel More Energetic and Productive

Here Are 8 Great Little Changes to Make You Instantly Feel Healthier,  More Energetic, and Productive

What does optimal performance feel like? How do you feel when you’re performing ‘at your best’?

For many of us the answer would be a combination of energy, focus and good mood. If you’re interested in being healthier then you should focus on these things because not only will you feel healthier immediately, but you’ll also then have more energy and drive to stick to whatever other health programs or objectives you’re setting yourself.

In fact, a new study by Rand and Vitality, a nonprofit research company, activity is correlated with productivity, which leads to higher performance; it reduces absenteeism from health issues, in addition to improving sleep and mental health.

To achieve these kinds of small improvements, the best strategy to take is to focus on making small, cumulative changes that will build up over time. By gradually improving yourself with smaller goals you will find each change is easier to make and that you experience less resistance. These small changes then add up and provide you with more large scale success.

So what are some little changes you can make to start enjoying more energy, drive and health right now? Here are just a few:

  • Swap your coffee for a health drink – Do you drink coffee every morning on the way to work? Not only is this likely to cause tolerance and dependence for caffeine (making you groggier in the mornings) but it also means you’ll be missing out on the opportunity to get some health drinks in you. Try swapping this for a vegetable juice and see how much better you feel for all those vitamins and minerals.
  • Remove the sugar from your tea – This will not only reduce your calories and carbohydrate intake, it will also help you to get rid of your sweet tooth.
  • Set the alarm forward 10 minutes – Ten minutes more sleep makes all the difference in the world. It’s hard to convince yourself to go to bed earlier, but giving yourself an extra ten minutes in the morning can make all the difference.
  • Sit at the table when you eat – Sit at the sofa when you eat and you’ll feel lethargic and not want to get up.
  • Swap your socks – It sounds funny, but swap your socks for fresh ones halfway through the day and you feel energized!
  • Take calls outside – If you’re on your mobile why not use this opportunity to pace around a little and get some fresh air? Just a little fresh air makes a huge difference.
  • Wear brighter colors – Bright colors make others see you as more energetic, which means they treat you as more energetic, which makes you more energetic. That’s the law of attraction in process…
  • Breathe – even taking small, deep breaths will give you an instant energy booster as it calms your mind and body

Taking time to implement some of these changes will change your life overall. Not only will you have more energy but will be more accomplished as you tick off tasks on that ‘to-do’ list. I would add in there an added benefit and that is living longer – what more do you need!