Month: March 2026

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Your Feelings Are Not Always Accurate

 

If you find that you are feeling sad, depressed, angry, upset or any rage of strong emotions, you are entitled to your feelings. But there’s a problem.

Just because you feel something, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is accurate. You might be scratching you head right now and asking how can this be; how can it be that emotions and feelings are not the same?

Well, here’s the problem. You can’t always just go with your emotional states. Emotions occur automatically but may not be in ‘real time.’ Past experiences will arise that may not be attributed to the current situation, such as having a fear of something. If you look back, you might have been 10 years old, but those emotions imprinted on you; once an emotion is felt, it sets the ‘tone’ that relates to your present circumstances.

This is why you must challenge your thoughts to see if they are real. As humans, we develop defense mechanisms, that are meant as a protective barrier, but they can skew our way of thinking and looking at situations we encounter. Our thoughts are our thoughts, with our own perspectives.

Your feelings, while being completely owned by you, have two dimensions. There is the subjective dimension, which is what you are perceiving deep down inside. But there’s also an objective dimension to it, to try to see if from an outsider’s view.

The next time you feel an intense emotion that leads to a negative thought, take time to reflect on how true that thought is; for example, you see someone in a store and they look at you, but you think “they don’t like me” which leads to an emotion, such as sadness or anger. If you take the time to challenge that thought – how do you know they don’t like you? – you would see that it is not true and can go on about your day.

A good exercise is by Byron Katie, called The Work, where you ask 4 questions:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Is it absolutely true? (you can’t say yes to anything)
  3. How do I feel when I have this thought? (identify the true emotions, putting a name to them)
  4. How would I feel if I didn’t have this thought?

It’s a powerful tool to challenge and change your perspectives that lead to strong emotions, which can zap you emotionally. You do have choice in which thoughts you keep and which you throw away. Another good way is to write the thought down, which can give you a clearer view so you can better adapt.

 

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”                  (Brian Tracy)

 

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How to Deal When People Drive You Crazy

 

Do you ever find yourself meeting and interacting with people who drive you crazy? We all have, to be honest.

There’s one in every office, every family and every group you’ve ever been a part of. A person who makes your teeth itch and your blood boil. They seem to have the inside scoop on what pushes your buttons and how to get under your skin.

So how do you deal with people who frustrate you and make you impatient? How do you become calm enough to not go  into a rage?

Try these tips during your next work meeting, family reunion or social event:

Remember, we all have different priorities–What you think is a priority to accomplish isn’t necessarily everyone else’s. This little recognized fact has been the cause of many spousal disagreements and work resignations. This is all about perceptions and expectations, both yours and the other persons.

Keep this fact in mind when it seems someone is resisting taking action that you believe is important. They might not be trying to drive you nuts; they might just have a different expectation and priority than yours.

 

Put yourself in their shoes: empathy –Sometimes, all that is necessary to take the sting of impatience out of a situation is to recognize what’s going on in the other person’s life, which we never truly know.

If they are dealing with major life events or have been under a great deal of stress lately, they probably aren’t themselves, and they certainly aren’t thinking about the fact that they might be driving you nuts. They might be worrying about their job, their marriage, or finances.. Image yourself in their situation and see if you can offer them a little empathy.

 

Ask yourself why they bother you so much–Could it be that they mirror a fault of your own that drives you to distraction? Are they always late and that holds everything up? Is that person not following the rules which you value? Look at your own habits. How often are you late? How frequently do you keep people waiting or expect them to wait for you? Evaluate times you may have been a rule-breaker (yes, speeding counts)?

You might actually be responding more to something you see as a character flaw in yourself, but can’t admit to. Psychology says that we usually hate traits we see in ourselves, which is projection and a defense mechanism to hide our ‘shadow self’ with our insecurities or denied traits. Recognizing these is the first step to being less judgmental and more loving.

 

Remember that everyone has a different natural rhythm–We don’t all march to the same drummer, and we don’t all have the same internal pace. Some people are just more laid back and have a slower rhythm, even when they are in a hurry. Driving seems to bring out the worst in others when one is in a hurry to get to an appointment while the other is taking their time.

These situations can truly be frustrating, but keep it in mind that we all have a different pace can soothe your ruffled feathers. They aren’t trying to annoy you. They are just moving at the rate that feels right to them.

 

Focus on their positive qualities–It’s easy to focus on the little things that irritate us, but when we do, that’s all we are able to notice. When you start feeling yourself getting impatient with them, think about what you like or respect about them. This helps put those little irritations in perspective.

You might find you actually like the person once you get to know them, so work towards that. Remember, we can’t change anyone – all we can do is change ourselves.

 

A last point to remember is that getting this annoyed by someone else is robbing you of your energy and emotional well-being. Which choice will you make and start working on?

If someone irritates you, it is only your own response that is irritating you. Therefore, when anyone seems to be provoking you, remember that it is only your judgment of the incident that provokes you.                                                     (Epictetus)

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4 Simple Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Taking Massive Action

Don’t fault yourself for being afraid of taking that big step–the massive action that needs to happen to realize  your dreams! It’s a natural response to moving out of your comfort zone. But while you shouldn’t chastise yourself for feeling fearful, neither should you wallow in it so that you never get past it. When fear rears its ugly head, use these simple tactics to put it in perspective, move on, and reach your goals.

 

Recognize fear is only a feeling

Fear can feel very, very real. But it’s only an emotion that survives and thrives when we dwell on it and start to believe it. The first step in mastering your fear of taking massive action is to remember to tell yourself that fear isn’t real–that it’s only a feeling that can’t hurt you. Remember the phrase: Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real. Challenge your thoughts to change them.

Remember, everyone has experienced fear of failure

Everyone experiences fear before they try something new. Think Tony Robbins or Oprah haven’t experienced fear of failure? Sure they have, and I’m sure both have stated this in the past. Everyone has experienced fear of failure, the fear of looking like a fool, the fear of losing friends when you become too famous, too wealthy, too thin, or whatever. When a moment of panic comes over you, take a sec to look at those with success and that they overcame; reflect back on your past ‘failures’ and how you overcame them.

Take the first small step

We’ve all heard Newton’s 1st Law of Motion: A body at rest tends to stay at rest, while a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Notice that feeling of fear, and then take that first small step in spite of it. Starting small doesn’t feel threatening so you continue the actions taken. You will feel amazing after you’ve done that one little thing. You’ll realize that you can do it, and you’ll be excited to take that next step. Fear will be replaced by enthusiasm!

Use a lifeline

Sometimes we recognize fear for what it is, but can’t seem to get over the hurdle anyway. That’s the right time to call in some reinforcements. Get ahold of a friend, colleague or family member who is totally on board with your goal. Buy them a cup of coffee and talk to them about your feelings. Join a support group of others who are seeking the same goal, such as through Meetup (whatever city you’re in). Go talk to a therapist or a coach who can help you manage your fears so you go after them.  You don’t have to struggle alone.

 

Fear is actually a way for our brains to help us manage them but, when they get to the point that they hold you back or lead to emotional and psychological problems, it’s time to do something about them. Work on these steps to manage them – you are stronger than you believe.,

 

“FEAR has two meanings:

Forget Everything And Run.

Face Everything And Rise.”

Which will you choose??

 

 

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