Do you ever find yourself meeting and interacting with people who drive you crazy? We all have, to be honest.
There’s one in every office, every family and every group you’ve ever been a part of. A person who makes your teeth itch and your blood boil. They seem to have the inside scoop on what pushes your buttons and how to get under your skin.
So how do you deal with people who frustrate you and make you impatient? How do you become calm enough to not go into a rage?
Try these tips during your next work meeting, family reunion or social event:
Remember, we all have different priorities–What you think is a priority to accomplish isn’t necessarily everyone else’s. This little recognized fact has been the cause of many spousal disagreements and work resignations. This is all about perceptions and expectations, both yours and the other persons.
Keep this fact in mind when it seems someone is resisting taking action that you believe is important. They might not be trying to drive you nuts; they might just have a different expectation and priority than yours.
Put yourself in their shoes: empathy –Sometimes, all that is necessary to take the sting of impatience out of a situation is to recognize what’s going on in the other person’s life, which we never truly know.
If they are dealing with major life events or have been under a great deal of stress lately, they probably aren’t themselves, and they certainly aren’t thinking about the fact that they might be driving you nuts. They might be worrying about their job, their marriage, or finances.. Image yourself in their situation and see if you can offer them a little empathy.
Ask yourself why they bother you so much–Could it be that they mirror a fault of your own that drives you to distraction? Are they always late and that holds everything up? Is that person not following the rules which you value? Look at your own habits. How often are you late? How frequently do you keep people waiting or expect them to wait for you? Evaluate times you may have been a rule-breaker (yes, speeding counts)?
You might actually be responding more to something you see as a character flaw in yourself, but can’t admit to. Psychology says that we usually hate traits we see in ourselves, which is projection and a defense mechanism to hide our ‘shadow self’ with our insecurities or denied traits. Recognizing these is the first step to being less judgmental and more loving.
Remember that everyone has a different natural rhythm–We don’t all march to the same drummer, and we don’t all have the same internal pace. Some people are just more laid back and have a slower rhythm, even when they are in a hurry. Driving seems to bring out the worst in others when one is in a hurry to get to an appointment while the other is taking their time.
These situations can truly be frustrating, but keep it in mind that we all have a different pace can soothe your ruffled feathers. They aren’t trying to annoy you. They are just moving at the rate that feels right to them.
Focus on their positive qualities–It’s easy to focus on the little things that irritate us, but when we do, that’s all we are able to notice. When you start feeling yourself getting impatient with them, think about what you like or respect about them. This helps put those little irritations in perspective.
You might find you actually like the person once you get to know them, so work towards that. Remember, we can’t change anyone – all we can do is change ourselves.
A last point to remember is that getting this annoyed by someone else is robbing you of your energy and emotional well-being. Which choice will you make and start working on?
If someone irritates you, it is only your own response that is irritating you. Therefore, when anyone seems to be provoking you, remember that it is only your judgment of the incident that provokes you. (Epictetus)
