Tag: mindsetcoaching

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Understanding and Accepting Your Emotions

Understanding and Accepting Your Emotions

We all cope with emotions in different ways. Learning to understand and accept your emotions for what they are and what they can teach you is an essential life skill, one that can show you a great deal about yourself and help you grow as a person, in all areas of your life.

Choosing to ignore or push aside your emotions, instead of accepting them for what they are, is a sign of mental health trouble and can lead to serious health consequences, which you may not realize.

Truthfully, this applies more to negative emotions, the one where pain, hurt, disappointment, etc. form the basis. And those events/memories don’t have to be recent as our brain stores all of them. But, we typically hold on more to the negative ones -our brains are wired this way, unfortunately.

Emotional Acceptance

One of the most common reactions to emotions, especially negative or uncomfortable ones, is to ignore them or reject how they make us feel. Because they make us feel bad, we choose not to handle them, which means we are not adequately dealing with them. It’s said that negative emotions can feel like you haven’t eaten for a week.

One of the perils is that we try to rehash the negative event and trying to make sense of it; however, this just cements these memories more into our brain. Instead of accepting and processing these feelings, we may stuff them down or numb their effects with self-destructive behaviors like drinking or using drugs, sex, or spending; you can get angry and lash out or retreat and isolate.

 

While it is not healthy to walk around feeling bad all the time, that is not what emotional acceptance it all about. Emotions are feedback from your mind and your body. They give you valuable information that you need to pay attention to. When you ignore or dull these feelings, the problem still exists and will find another way to manifest in your life.

Emotional acceptance is allowing your emotions to occur without judging yourself for having them or trying to change how you feel. What you may not realize is that those emotions are there, waiting to come out. You can keep pushing them aside but they can consume you, either depleting your or leading you to react like Mt. Etna – neither is a good result.

Emotional acceptance requires that you stop trying to control your feelings because the emotions themselves cannot harm you. You have control over how much they influence your choices and decisions, so allowing yourself to feel them cannot harm you.

Emotional acceptance is not giving in to your emotions. It is, instead, a decision to stop struggling against them. You are putting down your weapons and allowing yourself to feel them so that you can move on from them in a healthy manner.

Acceptance v. Resignation

Accepting your emotion does not mean you resign yourself to always feeling this way. Just because you are sad now does not mean you give up and want to remain wretched forever. It is not about wallowing in your pain or negative emotions.

Instead, acceptance means that you are aware that this is how you feel right now. It is what is necessary for you in your life currently, and in the future, things will change, and you will feel better. When you accept your emotions, you do not hold on to these feelings but instead experience them in the present and become ready to move past them later.

If you don’t resolve them, or find a way to put them in a space that they no longer hurt you, they will take control; plus, you need to see that you have the ability to do so, thus raising your esteem and confidence for future events.

Why You Need to Practice Acceptance

Emotions are not something you can discard just because you do not like them. Your mind and body feel these emotions for a reason. Erasing them completely would not be healthy for you. Emotions are there to tell you what to avoid, what to value, and what makes you happy.

They help you decide who is essential in your life and how you should spend your time. Therefore, learning to listen to and accept your emotions can teach you a lot about what is essential in your life, if you know how to listen and stop trying to push them away.

So, you might ask if there is way to deal with these emotions safely? The answer is yes, but it is going to take time and practice. Changing habits is not easy but doable.

 

Here are a few steps you can take:

  1. Take time to assess your emotions, and really being honest, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. We will always feel something first before we’re aware of our thoughts, i.e. stomach, short of breath, heart palpations, lashing out at others, etc.
  2. Journal your thoughts and feelings – this releases held-in emotions, plus you can make more sense of these situations.
  3. Talk with others, whether your family or friends, or it could be a therapist or coach. Getting outsider opinions can help us rethink ours.

Final Thoughts

Emotional acceptance frees you from the constant stress of struggling to mask or ignore what is troubling you and instead releases your emotional energy for healing and affirmative action moving forward. Identifying how you feel and then determining the purpose of this emotion can tell you a lot about yourself and your life. Learning to accept your feelings is crucial for your emotional health and well-being and can set you free from the burdens you carry. Plus, you will feel stronger to deal with anything that comes you way.

 

“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” — Aisha Mirza

 

Reach out if you’re wanting help with managing your emotions or improving your life. You don’t have to go it alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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End of the Year Decluttering: Don’t Forget to Include Your Mind, Also

The end of the year is a great time to leave the old behind to make way for the new. In addition to goal, this can be the time to declutter, aka, purging the old to make way for the new.

Before you can throw old items away, it’s vital to start by decluttering your mind. If you look at why you keep papers, mementos, and the like, is because there is some emotional attachment to them, hence mindset.

If you’re hanging onto to clothes that don’t fit, or the ugly vase your mother gave you for Christmas, or the exercise bike you might get around to using, you don’t just have a problem with too much stuff. You have a problem with letting go of bad feelings, ill-founded assumptions, old grievances and future worries.

If it feels good to declutter your house, it feels even better to declutter your mind, and letting go of those the ‘emotional baggage’ we tend to carry around.

Here are some useful expert tips to make some space in your mind.

 

  1. Use mindfulness or meditation techniques:

You don’t have to do the full sitting on a cushion in a darkened room thing to benefit from meditation techniques. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, some simple breathing techniques can help you calm down and focus.

For a few minutes, focus only on your breathing and nothing else, such as the 4-7-8 rule (breathe in slowly for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 7, then slowly breathe out for a count of 8). Even a two-minute breathing practice will give you calm so you can think more clearly and start to working on letting go.

If your mind wanders or gets back into the worrying groove, you must put that aside and come back to focus on your breath. Taking a walk or, even, sitting outside brings calm but focus on the sounds you hear, what you see, what you feel (the sun or the breeze).

 

  1. Write it down

It can help to write down anything that’s on your mind. Once all those worries are down on paper, you can prioritize them and work out a plan to deal with them. You can also assess them to identify what’s essential and what isn’t. When you can see what’s important, you can focus your energy and free up some of that mental space!

 

  1. Stay in the present

Brooding over the past and worrying about the future take up a lot of space in your mind and achieves, precisely, nothing. Let go of regret over past mistakes or resentment of past slights and move on.

Keep your focus on what you can influence right here, right now. Journal about it, write a letter to the person or situation – but you burn it in the end to release those old thoughts and feelings.

Focus on what you can control right now – not the past or the future. Say a mantra to keep you focused, such as ‘stay in the present.’ Out minds need verbal prompts so this is a good practice to adopt.

 

  1. Do one thing at a time

Multitasking is not only overrated and inefficient, it also leads to greater anxiety, and you won’t do any one thing properly. Actually, our brains can not do two things at one time, so trying to depletes brain energy.

It’s best to focus on doing things methodically and thoroughly. As you finish one task, move onto the next. Listing tasks you want to accomplish will give you direction on where to go, but not trying to accomplish all at once. Smaller steps lead to bigger changes.

 

  1. Control all incoming data you take in

Every day we are bombarded by so much information – TV, news, social media websites, podcast, radio, YouTube, and the like. It can be overwhelming and addictive if your ‘not careful.

We talk about being available 24/7 and the 24-hour news cycle, but there is only one person who can control this: You.

You can choose to switch off your computer, smartphone, and tv and control the amount of data your brain is trying to process. You may have to start small, such as turning off your electronics for 15-30 minutes, then increase your time; at night or during meals, turn your phone off off. You can control how much information comes in, which will help you emotionally and physically.

Decluttering your mind will pay off in all sorts of ways you hadn’t imagined. You will be more productive, less stressed, and more motivated. Overall, you will feel more peaceful and confident you can handle anything that comes your way.

If you struggle with productivity or negativity in your life, reach out to get help. You can be in control of your life,

 

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The Change You Seek May Be The Change You Fear

If there is one constant in life, it’s that change is inevitable. Change can trigger growth, it ushers in new opportunities and welcomes transformation. The tricky thing about change is even when actively seeking it out, it is often the change that we fear.

 

Sometimes, changes have to be made due to circumstances that are not planned or anticipated. But, change isn’t always negative – it can be exciting and long sought after, but that doesn’t make it any less scary.

The Comfort Zone

 

One of the biggest reasons humans fear change is because it’s a step into the unknown. You’re safe in your predictable comfort zone. Even when you seek out change, you are pushing yourself into the unknown, and that is unsettling. It’s the state of homeostasis we live in – just wanting things to be the same, regardless if they are positive or negative.

 

You may choose to change careers or go back to school, but leaving the comfort of your stable job to do that can be anxiety-inducing. You leave behind your familiar routine to explore new challenges and with that comes uncertainty.

The Risk of Failure

 

The risk of failure is also a powerful factor that prevents people from pursuing change. Society has impressed upon us the idea that the worst thing we can do is fail. Remember this, if you fail it’s because you tried and that means a lot more than sitting back and letting life pass you by. It can be paralyzing – wanting for more but too worried to try.

 

There is another element of risk that prevents people from pursuing change. One that can be terrifying – even though you want to change and even though it will be a good thing, the idea of letting go of something else to create space for something new. It’s a cognitive bias that’s difficult to shake, even though you logically know the change is positive.

The Pressure

 

There are a variety of pressures that can make change even scarier. When peer pressure and societal norms come into play, it can be terrifying to push yourself to make the changes you want for fear of being judged harshly.

 

Then there’s your ego – self-identity is often tied up in job roles and circumstances. So, leaving a high-paid position to pursue your dream can be even scarier even though you want it. Your ego may have trouble processing it as the positive it is. Another caveat is in listening to the ‘shoulds’ in your head – and leaving them behind can be scary.

Navigating Change

 

As you embark on a journey of change, there are a few strategies you can use to get through. The first is to recognize your fear, no good will come of pretending everything is fine. Plus, we can make future situations worse than we know – you are not a mind-reader to predict the future but, you can certainly plan for it. You need to set realistic expectations because you will experience setbacks, but that’s no reason to give up.

 

Don’t be afraid to embrace the uncertainty and lean on your support network. Be gentle and kind with yourself and try to focus on all of the benefits, rather than getting caught up worrying about the change or potential negatives.

 

You can’t tackle this change as one big step, you have to break it down into small steps to make the process less overwhelming. Be prepared to challenge your limiting beliefs because they will crop up and they will make life difficult if you’re not ready to quash them.

 

The moves you make in the future should reflect your priorities and values, so make sure you’re well acquainted with yours.

Final Thoughts

 

It’s normal to fear change to some degree, but what isn’t normal is allowing that fear to stop you in your tracks. As tempting as it is to stay safe in your comfort zone, you will never lead the fulfilling life you deserve in doing so.

 

So, put yourself out there!

 

Take the risk, make the changes, and embrace the unknown! You never know when you will uncover your true potential. It isn’t something to fear, it’s something to savor and pursue. Be bold – make the leap to your future. Embrace the change you seek – it will hug you back.

 

What are you struggling with? Reach out to get support to help you answer the question and move forward boldly. We’re here for you!

 

 

 

 

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5 Steps to Throw Fear to the Curb and Take Control of Your Life!

Lfe is challenging, and painful, and exciting, and unpredictable. There are two basic forces that drive our reactions to what Life throws at us: love and fear.  Love opens us to the passion and excitement that Life has to offer, while fear causes us to withdraw and hide.

 

Fear stops you from taking action. Fear of what you might lose or gain. Fear of not having enough money. Fear of not being loved or belonging. Fear of being alone. The basic fear we all experience is the fear of not being good enough, which leads to other major fears discussed.

 

There is a time for fear. It protects us from danger and destruction. The problem is that if you’re not living your life to the fullest, chances are good it’s because you’ve let fear dictate to you that pretty much everything new you want to try is dangerous and destructive.

 

Well, guess what? It’s not true.

 

You can throw fear to the curb, you can take control of your life, you can start living your life to the fullest.

 

Here are 5 steps to get you started:

 

  1. Be Clear About Your Goals

 

What do you want your life to look like and be like? You must have a destination, a goal, a vision to work toward or you’re not going to know that you reached it. What goals do you want to achieve? Get clear on this and your first fear will be taken care of – the fear of not knowing what to expect. Now you can shift your focus to the tasks that will help you achieve your goal.

 

  1. Prepare Yourself

 

How many opportunities have you had to say No to because you weren’t ready? No doubt there are many. And there will be many more if you don’t begin to prepare yourself now. Based on the goals you’ve set, what skills and knowledge do you need to achieve them? Begin obtaining those skills and knowledge now. Preparation lays the groundwork for action – when you have all that you need you won’t have to wonder what to do as it will be all laid out for you to get started.

 

  1. Network With Others

 

If you don’t have the skills or knowledge, you should know someone who does. A strong social and professional network is vital to your ability to live the life you want. This doesn’t mean you must befriend everyone who crosses your path, or that you must nurture professional relationships with people you don’t like or understand.

 

It means meeting people online and offline and deciding how they fit in your life. You make that decision. Just be sure to nurture those relationships that can help you personally and professionally by being helpful to them first. A mentor is not only for professional situations, as having someone you look up to give you guidance does wonders for you as a person.

 

  1. Ask More Questions

 

Opportunities don’t appear as if by magic. And sometimes they’re not obvious. Use your imagination and curiosity to help you ask more questions about what is happening around you. When you can see situations from different perspectives amazing lessons can be learned, answers can be found, and recognition of an opportunity can happen. Opportunities are everywhere – you just have to look for them.

 

  1. Take Risks

 

Not just any risk, though, calculated risks. Calculated means understanding what the risks are, whether it’s financial or emotional or mental or physical, and weighing the pros and cons of each risk to determine if you’re willing to live with the consequences of moving forward. When you do this, you are in control of the decision-making process and can accept responsibility for the achievement or failure of what you do in your life.

 

Fear can stop you – heck, it’s scary to go outside your comfort zone and go after what you want. These are the times you want to just act – the outcome will be worth it, plus you raise your confidence level so you keep going after your desires.

 

These five steps apply to your personal and business life because the truth is that you take yourself wherever you go, don’t you? When you are in control of how you make your decisions, why you make your decisions, you throw fear to the curb and are able to live a life that is free of fear and full of joy and happiness and purpose.

 

 

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

 

 

If you’re struggling with reaching your goals, or live a fear- based life, don’t struggle. Reach out to get help and get started to live the life you desire.

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A New Month: Time to Check Your Mental Health – 4 Signs That You Might Be Experiencing Anxiety and How to Manage It

As we start a new month and wind down to a new year (only 4 months left),  isn’t it time to do a quick check on yours mental wellness? The fall-out from the pandemic has taken its toll on many, not to mention so many adverse events people are living through, i.e. fires, hurricanes, financial concerns, a voting year, school is back –  I could go on but stress and anxiety are still prevalent.

 

Change is a major cause of anxiety, which is an automatic response that occurs in the body. Anxiety is worry about the future and what will happen. If not managed, it can spiral out of control, leading to a host of emotional and physical problems.

 

Feeling anxious every once in a while is common but having an anxiety disorder are two very different things – when you are continually in an anxiety state, without it being managed, can lead to an anxiety disorder.

 

While there are different types of anxiety disorders (i.e. situational anxiety, social anxiety, etc.),  a common thread between them all is that it interferes with your daily life and can really cause havoc if left unnoticed or untreated.

 

Here are four signs that may signal you are dealing with an anxiety disorder:

Your Anxious Thoughts Don’t Go Away

When you have an anxiety disorder, you often become incredibly anxious in situations where others might only get a little anxious, like during family or social gatherings. This anxiety also tends to last longer and is more persistent. When your anxious thoughts start to impact your daily life, that’s when it becomes an issue.

It can seem that no matter how hard you try to avoid anxious thoughts or worry, they seem stronger which increases any anxiety already felt. The more you push away, the stronger they come back. It can seem like you’re on the hamster wheel you can’t get off of.

 

Your Anxiety Manifests Itself Physically

If your anxious thoughts are accompanied by physical conditions, such as  restlessness, fatigue, headaches, muscle pain, inability to sleep or eating problems, among others, it could signal that you have an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders can lead to gastrointestinal issues, like heartburn, cramping, and even diarrhea. These physical symptoms are as a result of your body being in a constant heightened state of anxiety.

 

You Can’t Concentrate or Focus

It isn’t that uncommon for people who have a general anxiety disorder to be mistakenly diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). This is because when you have an anxiety disorder, you tend to have difficulty focusing.

When you’re always anxious, you tend to be in your head constantly and can get distracted by the negative thoughts and obsessions rattling around. Due to the hormone, cortisol which is automatically released when the amygdala (fight or flight) is triggered, the prefrontal cortex or executive functions  of the brain is adversely affected, thereby, leading to concentration problems. You also may start to lose or forget things.

 

You Have Trouble Sleeping

The anxiety that you experience tends to take your thoughts on a ride that leaves you struggling to catch some zzz’s. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), some level of sleep disruption is present in almost all mental disorders, including anxiety.

 

The more you have trouble falling sleep, or waking up in the middle of the night, the more you will dread sleep which increases anxiety. Even if you are able to fall asleep, unrestful sleep has a negative impact in all areas, but can be detrimental to driving, working, and making decisions.

 

If you have more than one of these symptoms, there’s a good chance that you might be dealing with an anxiety disorder. However, before you jump to any conclusions, it’s best to speak with your doctor to rule out any other conditions, because anxiety symptoms often mimic other medical conditions.

 

Fortunately, anxiety disorders can be treated so that you can learn to manage your symptoms and get back to living your life. You have the power to overcome but it’s not as easy if anxiety takes over.

 

It’s important to understand that we all get anxious feelings, which results from change and stressors in our lives. Even good stress (Eustress) will result in emotional and physical feelings. It’s when these get prolonged and out-of-control is when you need to see help.

 

Using mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, walking, eating healthy, and others are ways to better manage anxiety. Challenging your thoughts is the way to stop worry and thinking ahead – you don’t know the outcome, despite believing it, but you can be solution-focused to better prepare for those future outcomes. Another way is to seek the help of a coach or therapist to help you on this journey. All of these will help you to end the year on a good note to prepare for what is to come.

 

 

If you find that your experiencing levels of stress and anxiety, you don’t have to suffer – reach out to get help. We’re here for you.

 

 

 

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