If They Tell You No – Go Make Your Own

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I love Cinderella stories; you know, the ones where an underdog makes it big in some way. Watching Dancing with the Stars last night, one of those emerged that I think those who own businesses, or want to, can take a lesson from.

The second runner-up was Lindsey Sterling,  a violin player who combines movement and dance in her act. What is really compelling is her story of how she became an ‘act.’ She said that she wanted to be a dancer but also liked to play the violin; her parents couldn’t pay for both so she stayed with the violin. But, as she got into her teen years, she fell into a depressive state and had an eating disorder; she gave up playing the violin.

But, once she got healthy, she picked it back up again and decided to add movement while playing. She auditioned for America’s Got Talent but was told she wasn’t good enough, and that her act would not attract people; a judge said her act was too ‘out there.’ She felt very discouraged.

However, she said that she remembered YouTube and decided to leap into making a video of her playing, which was quite a production, and gained over 200,000 views on her first one. Thus, a star was born. She puts on shows all over the world and now, Dancing with the Stars, which she almost won.

I think there are some lessons in here that we all can use:

  •  while life is not always kind, and there will be challenges, you can always pick yourself up and move on
  • people will criticize and reject you but it’s what you think that matters the most; Lindsey said that she had to learn to love herself first before she could love others, which included her violin
  • you can make lemonade out of lemons, just as Lindsey did; when she was told ‘no’ on the big stage, she went and created a video her way. She did not allow a rejection to keep her down
  • being true to who you are will attract people to you; Lindsey embraced her ‘quirkiness,’ of which millions of people find attractive, paying to buy here CD’s and attend her shows

I have to admit that I’ve never heard of Lindsey Sterling until recent weeks, as she was not on the radar for me as a dancer; but, the more time went on, the better she got and her performances were over the top. When she related her story, I became a fan.  Her story is inspiring and shows that following your own path can lead to greatness.

Committed to Your Success Coaching & Consulting focuses on workplace happiness and organizational success. If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started! https://www.cyscoaching.com or barbara@cyscoaching.com. Visit our other blog at https://cysoaching .com or https://allaboutcareersites.com

 

Confidence is a Mindset

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How confident do you feel on a daily basis? Do you feel confident in work but not in your personal life, or vice-versa? How can you get more of it so you can go after the very things you say you want?
Confidence is a self-belief in your abilities and talents; it means that, no matter what, you act on what you think is right and true. It also means that the achievements you’ve had build your self-esteem and self-efficacy so that you won’t hesitate when the next achievement comes up.
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Confidence starts in the mind and with the stories you tell yourself, which then turn into beliefs. It’s the beliefs that hold us and can be difficult to change. Someone can tell you that you are the best leader, speaker, dancer, etc. but, if you don’t fundamentally think so, then it won’t matter what they say. So how do you build confidence, or is it even possible to do so?
Yes, it is possible but it means retraining your brain, which is like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the more it will build and work favorably:

  • begin to be aware of your self-talk, as this is the culprit for our problems; if you keep repeating words you’ve either heard, or attach to yourself, the more those become your beliefs (‘you’re so stupid’ ‘you’ll never get that promotion’ ‘you’re so lazy’ and the like). It may be helpful to write these messages down to make you more aware of when you’re saying them
  • reframing those negatives into positives will strengthen the parts of the brain responsible for emotion and thought. By reframing them, it works to see that your thoughts are not black or white thinking; for example, the ‘you’re so lazy’ thought can now become ‘you’re not lazy; sure, there are times when you procrastinate on a task but think of how fearful you are that you might mess it up and disappoint someone. But remember times when you pushed past a fear and made something happen’
  • go back and write past successes so you can see that you have the ability to reach your goals, no matter how big or small; write your ‘wins’ each day, to build off them. The more you do this, the stronger those positive thoughts will be the norm

Confidence is needed in all areas of your life – in your relationships, as a parent, as a worker, as a leader – I could go on. Once confidence is there, the more you will achieve; nothing can stop you from going higher and higher in what you can do.
Committed to Your Success Coaching & Consulting focuses on workplace happiness and organizational success. If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started! https://www.cyscoaching.com or barbara@cyscoaching.com. Visit our other blog at https://cysoaching .com or https://allaboutcareersites.com
 

If Your Goals Scare You, You're on the Right Path

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If you want anything in life, it starts with a goal, which is the end-result of what you desire. Goals spur us on, they motivate us and they turn our ideas and dreams into reality. You have goals, even though you might not realize it – when you got up this morning, when you left for work or opened this notice; these are all little goals. They get you through each day effortlessly.
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But what about  bigger goals; you know, the ones that scare you? These are the type of goals that, while they sound good in your head, once you put them on paper seem to put some fear in you. You get that know in the pit of your stomach and feel uneasy; so uneasy that you shun them, saying ‘this will never work.’ If you have that type of goal, then you’re on the right path.
You need to be setting goals that will stretch you out of your comfort zone, as you have more ability and strength than you realize. Pushing past the emotion and focusing in on the end-result is what will spur you on to using the strengths and abilities you possess; you’re go into more critical thinking mode to come up with the steps you need to take until you reach the end.
When those fears start to creep in, as they will, stop and listen to what they are telling you and then challenge the little voices: :I don’t know I will fail, or that someone will laugh, or yell, at me,” or whatever else lives there. Focusing in on why you want the desired goal, and the benefit you will have from having it, will keep you motivated; thinking back on a past success will keep the voices at bay.
If you really want whatever the desire is badly enough, you will work for it. Think of how good you will feel at the end. Create this picture in your mind and keep focusing on it – it will motivate you until it is achieved. “Growth demands a temporary surrender of security” (Gail Sheehy). See you at the top!
Committed to Your Success Coaching & Consulting focuses on workplace happiness and organizational success. If you need help gaining clarity on your business or career goals, why not get some help – stop the struggle and call today to get started! https://www.cyscoaching.com (check out our blog) or barbara@cyscoaching.com

6 Ways to Deal With a Disrespectful Employee

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Do you know how to deal with a coworker or, worse yet, an employee who is disrespectful to you? This would be an employee who feels they can:

  • yell
  • withhold needed information
  • make ‘snarky’ comments
  • refuse to acknowledge you

The workplace today is stress-filled, as workers are dealing with more tasks which are leading to longer hours. It’s also filled with very differing personalities, each with their own perceptions, expectations, and way of working. Putting some of these differing personalities together can be a recipe for disaster.

But does this give someone the right to intrude on others, either in their actions or words? If we entertain that the disrespectful employee is dealing with a personal problem, perhaps an ill family member or having financial difficulties,  it could lead to such behavior. After all, each of us deals with our stressors differently.

However, this does not justify such bad behavior. So how do you deal with an employee who exhibits one of the behaviors listed earlier? Here are some tips for doing so:

  • Document the behavior: remember the rule “if it wasn’t written, it didn’t happen,” so keep a record of the situations as they occur, including:  the day/date, time of day, place occurred, the issue involved, and who else was an observer. Look at the situation from an outsider’s perspective to ‘see’ the bigger picture; we won’t see it when we’re thinking off emotion.
  • Communication is the best route, but when you (as the boss) are calmer; have the employee come to your office to discuss the events as they occurred and to hear their side of the story, asking what led to their adverse behavior (not why), which can uncover the basis for it.
  • Set rules and boundaries: reiterating and reinforcing workplace expectations and policies for insubordination will put the worker on notice, so to speak, so it is mutually understood that there will be repercussions if the adverse behavior occurs again.  Give the employee clear expectations for how they will make improvements, but include them in this plan and, then, have them sign it.
  • Find out what the employee needs to improve in their work to see if you can provide them; for example, if the employee has an ill family member at home then can you allow a staggered shift which would allow help to take over; can the employee take a break if they are feeling at the breaking point. You may not be able to accommodate them but trying goes a long way to feeling cared about.
  • You can refer the employee to seek formal counseling, through the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) your organization contracts with; this can be either formally or informally, meaning that you can recommend them to go or make it mandatory. Both have differing workings as well as expected outcomes. The other option is to put them on formal Performance Improvement Plan (PIP), with formal steps that goes through your Human Resources (HR) department.
  • Be emotionally intelligent (EI)  – you don’t have to respond how the employee might be drawing you in to; you also need to check your own behavior and attitude towards that employee as you may be treating him or her differently or coming across defensive.

Dealing with workplace behaviors is never easy but it needs to be done; remembering that emotions come into play when adverse behaviors occur will go a long way to curbing them, but it also includes being empathetic and setting good boundaries. After all, other employees are being affected in some way, as well so stopping this type of behavior should never be tolerated, and it ends with you.

Happy Halloween!

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Wishing you a ‘Spooktacular’ day – Happy Halloween!!