In a perfect world, when we experience hurt we would be able to get over it and move on. We would not feel resentment towards the person we perceive has disappointed us in some way. That’s right – when we get angry at someone else, it is because that person did not act in a way that we wanted or would have. We look at situations from our perspective, often forgetting that others have their own way.
In the workplace, we often get disappointed on a daily basis:
- I didn’t get that project I knew I was perfect for
- I didn’t get chosen to be on the superstar team as I’m a great fit
- I didn’t get asked to lunch with the guys
- I didn’t get that promotion
- My boss seems to like ((*&% better
- I am so disappointed in myself that I didn’t finish my work on time
The list can go on and on. These types of ‘hurts’ can call up our inner child, who may not like what it hears which then leads us to feeling anxious or angry. Depending on how we’ve learned to cope and adapt to stressful or unhappy situations is how we will respond. As our defenses kick in, we then pile this current hurt to ones from the past and soon may start to get angry and feel resentment towards those we feel have wronged us.
We know turn those hurts into:
- (*^& took that project from me (now I will ignore them)
- I didn’t want to be on that team anyway (now I’ll act icy to them)
- Who wants to go out to lunch with a bunch of losers
- My boss is such a jerk and doesn’t know what he’s missing out on (I think I’ll leave this job)
- I don’t want to be a brown-noser like ((*&% (or maybe I will)
- I should give it up – I’ll never make anything of myself (my father, teacher, etc. was right)
If these sound familiar – and they should as we ALL have these types of thoughts – then it’s time to release them and let them go. Holding on to them aren’t serving you, even though that inner child will cling to them with all their might. There comes a time in our lives when we have the realization that something must change and look inside to see why we don’t get asked to lunch or not getting recognized by the boss; perhaps it is how we present ourselves or we do not look open to others.
Past hurts can seal ourselves in a tomb of which we are the keepers and controllers of both ourselves and others. We don’t realize the level of control, and sometimes power, we wield over our emotions and behaviors, as well as those of others. When someone didn’t do something we wanted, and we get angry with them, it is because we wanted things our way, thus being in control.
One of the best ways to release past hurts and negative feelings is the Release Exercise (Doreen Virtue):
Take paper to write on; I recommend going outside to do this exercise as being in nature opens us up to receiving. Ask the question: “What am I holding on to that I need to release (let go of)? Then allow yourself to free-write, with no limits or judgements. When you’re done, look one last time at all the crap you’ve been holding on to and then burn the paper. It is very freeing as you watch those words burn. They no longer have any control over you or the way you think/behave. Now, your perspectives will change to be more open and positive, you will take more responsibility for your thoughts and actions, and you will no longer worry about what others are doing (which is freeing in itself). You may have to make some amends, however. But you will live more freely and authentically, which is when great things happen.
*Don’t forget – the push is on – two more days until the Challenge is over. You got this!
