Tag: mindsetcoach

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Self-Sabotaging Behaviors That Keep You From Doing and Getting What You Want

Do you ever find yourself wanting success but not going after it? Have you ever not raised your hand to take on a more challenging role or expressing an opinion, despite knowing the answer? Do you stay in the background, allowing others to take the lead even though you know you have the ability to do so?

If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these, then you have fallen into the trap of self-sabotage.

Quite frankly, we all have been our own worst enemy at times. Self-sabotage is when you don’t do the things you want, or do the opposite of what you intended. You could have a great relationship but do something that messes it up, or have a great job but then start showing up late to work or on assignments.

The results of this type of behavior can be severe:

  • Your income will suffer.
  • Your self-esteem will plummet.
  • Your confidence will find new lows.
  • Tasks remain unfinished

The end result? Frustration. Burnout. Resentment (of your clients or your business). And, yes, even more self-sabotaging behaviors not to mention feelings of guilt and shame.

This downward spiral can quickly turn devastating, but stopping it is easy when you learn to recognize the symptoms.

Procrastination

Did you mean to apply for that high-end coaching program but missed the deadline? Or maybe you were going to send a proposal to a potential new client, but waited too long? Or maybe you simply waited too long to take advantage of a sale price on a hot new app that everyone’s raving about.

These and other missed opportunities can often be blamed on simple procrastination, one of the most destructive habits we suffer from. Procrastination is what keeps us working late at night to make a deadline, costs us money in late fees, and even costs us business.

If you’re prone to procrastination, try these techniques to put an end to it:

  • Recognize your fear. What often keeps you stuck is simple fear. You’re afraid that even with that amazing coach you still won’t reach your goals, so you put off applying. You’re afraid you’ll look bad when compared to other proposals, so you just don’t send one. But if you want to be successful in business, you must learn to recognize and face your fears, then do the work anyway.
  • Start with small steps to not activate the fear center; doing small task will make the word seem easier so you will continue on.
  • Visualize the life and business you desire. Imagine what it will be like to have that amazing business you’ve been dreaming about. Picture your ideal workday, daydream about that fabulous vacation you’ll take, and imagine VIP days with your ideal client.
  • Reward yourself. It’s okay to give yourself a little incentive for getting things done. Take yourself out to lunch; buy a new pair of shoes; take an afternoon off. Do what’s most likely to motivate you to power through your fears and take the next step.

Failing to Complete Your Projects

Be honest. How many half-written books, partially planned programs, and unfinished products are cluttering up your hard drive right now?

If you’re like a lot of entrepreneurs, the answer is probably several.

You started all of them with great enthusiasm. You planned out the modules or chapters, created the slide decks, and maybe even outlined the sales page. And then…you just stopped working on it.

Maybe you tell yourself that you’re too busy. Maybe you “need to do some more research.” Or maybe you simply lost interest. But the truth is, none of those are the real reason. For a lot of people, this self-sabotaging habit is actually a symptom of a lack of confidence, and it’s keeping you from the success you deserve.

Consider this: You cannot know the actual success rate of a project you’ve never finished, and you cannot improve upon something you’ve never completed. So rather than filling your hard drive with half-finished projects, power through and start releasing them—even if you believe they’re not perfect, and even if you think they’ll never sell. You are not a fortune-teller who can predict the future – you will do so only if you create it.

 

If you find yourself procrastinating and not achieving your goals, then isn’t it time to get help? Reach out to learn more – mindset matters.

 

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Why We Need Inspiration in Our Lives

Right now, I think we can all use some inspiration in our lives, considering how crazy our world has gotten, post pandemic.  Everyday there is something happening that seems more absurd but, sadly, is reality.  Just when we think things are calming down, some news item relates to turmoil somewhere.

Whether it’s the war in Ukraine. The Hollywood writer’s strike, the heatwave across the U.S., politics, finances – I could go on. It seems, some days, that there is no end in sight.

It’s easy to feel scared and discouraged while also carrying with your life. Having inspiration in your life can be the key to carrying on calmly.

The definition of inspiration is “the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative” (Oxford Languages, n.d.) Inspiration cannot be measured or quantified: inspiration is an inside job, starting with your mindset.

In today’s world, most people often consider that which can be measured being more important or more valuable. But without inspiration, there’s nothing to measure because we produce nothing. Inspiration is what creates, and all that is measured, springs from this nebulous concept.

 

There are three parts to inspiration, according to psychologists Todd Thrash and Andrew Elliot (2003):

  1. Evocation. Inspiration is created spontaneously and without intent. The word inspiration means “divine breath.” Inspiration is not a part of our baser, more primal brains; it serves no purpose for basic survival.
  2.  Transcendence. This part comes in moments of clarity and with the awareness of new possibilities. Inspiration is indeed the mark of higher consciousness in us. Inspiration comes from a place of beauty and clarity.
  3. Approach It’s a fancy way of saying that the person with the inspiration seeks to communicate that vision. Either by talking about it, creating the vision in real life or letting others share in the vision.

People who are inspired have some common traits. For one thing, they are more open to new experiences. That almost always comes before the inspiration hits, indicating a certain willingness to be open to inspiration as a precedent to experiencing it.

It’s important to note that inspired people were neither more nor less conscientious than any others. Meaning that inspiration wasn’t something that they could command or “will” to happen.

The other thing inspired people have in common is a strong desire to master what they do. However, they are also not competitive. Remember that inspiration is transcendent, and competition is a survival instinct. That indicates that trying to beat out or one-up someone is not conducive to inspiration.

There are other critical factors in people who are often inspired.

  1. A confidence in their abilities. Even though they may not be experts in everything, they are comfortable with their specialtie
  2. Self-esteem. Inspired people have the confidence not to doubt themselves, indicating that they are able not to sabotage themselves.
  3. Optimism. It’s difficult to be inspired if you’re stuck in a negative state. People with optimism are more open and more prone to inspiration. Inspiration is not just a flash of vision; it’s a motivation that births creativity and motivation. People who get inspired are usually the ones more eager to jump into a project or expand their business. They have the ability to see inspiration in many avenues, such as art, music, and people.

Inspiration can be found all around – you just have to look for it; pay attention to your surroundings to get inspired; it may be like the ‘lightbulb’ to go off, or the ‘aha moment’ – capture those and use them to move forward in all areas of your life.

 

Inspiration and motivation may come from others, but true inspiration comes from within. (Catherine Pulsifer)

If you’re wanting to do and be more in your life, we can inspire you to get where you want to go. Reach out to learn more.

 

 

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The Art of Rapid Problem-Solving and the State of Flow

The Art of Rapid Problem-Solving and the State of Flow

When you think of problem solving, what comes to mind? For most of is it will probably be someone sitting at a desk, scratching their head and chewing a pencil. That is to say that we normally think of problems as things that we do slowly over time and in a considered fashion.

In reality though, this often is not the case. Often we will be forced to solve problems rapidly and on the fly and this is when things can get difficult. Here we’ll look at why this ability is so important and at what you can do to improve it.

Action Sports

The best place to study ‘rapid problem solving’ is in the world of action sports. This will include sports like snowboarding, surfing, racecar driving and others that involve last-minute reflexes and reactions. While you might think that these actions occur automatically and in the moment, they can nonetheless still be considered as a form of decision making.

For instance, while it might be pure impulse to go around an obstacle, you still need to think which way around that obstacle you want to go – which should normally mean weighing up which route would be quicker, which has the most obstacles further on and which will make it easiest to balance as you travel. And you won’t be faced with one decision like this but countless ones.

In every-day life we make decisions like this all the time too – right down to knowing when to cross the road. So how can you improve this kind of decision making process?

Flow States

The answer might lie in ‘flow states’. Flow states are a psychological phenomenon that allow us to make rapid decisions accurately that we would otherwise not be capable of. During these states we are completely focused on the matter in hand and we are able to perform flawlessly almost without thinking about it. The world seems to slow down and we become untouchable; the only thoughts are on the task at hand. And interestingly, it seems to be very similar to the state of flow we get into when we’re very focused on a work project.

This state is triggered by numerous neurochemicals including dopamine, norepinephrine, anandamide and endorphins. It is similar to the fight or flight response (which normally deadens creativity) but where you remain relaxed and in control the whole time.

How to Get Into Flow

So how do you get into flow? The answer seems to be that you need to be completely focused on what you are doing, which happens when you are a) very passionate about it, or b) you believe your life is on the line. Aligning your skills and abilities with the task at hand, setting goals for how you will achieve the goal, blocking out distractions, savoring your passion for the task you’re faced with – these are a few ways to get in flow.

Being fully present on any task is what gets you in the state of flow – see how this focus helps with your decision-making; record your thought-process, along with the outcomes, to make any corrections as needed. Look to see how your intuition, which a flow-state will enhance – to see if this impacts how you make a decision and the effects, both positive or negative, to enhance your awareness.

To be better at rapid decision making you need to be 100% present, or in the state of low and, as with anything, the best way to accomplish that is to practice. Practice doing things you care deeply about, along with the other suggestions, and your rapid decision making may just improve!

Contact us today to learn how to get in the state of flow to enhance your work and personal life.

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4 Steps to Controlling Your Anger Triggers

4 Steps to Controlling Your Anger Triggers

Do you ever find yourself feeling irritated, frustrated, ticked off, or downright angry? We all do at one or another. Knowing your anger triggers for what sets you off will go a long way to controlling them before they spiral out of control.

Everyone has their own little quirks, usually these go to expectations for how we would like people to act or respond, as well as how we would like situations to play out. Triggers are what set you off to feeling a state of anger; these depend on who is involved and how high the stakes are.

You could probably list your own triggers right now—little stuff, such as clutter or having to wait around. Maybe you can’t stand a particular word or phrase, or you find it impossible to work if there’s noise.

The thing about triggers is that they’re often small things that tip you over the edge and, before you know it, you’ve lost your temper over something that in the scheme of things doesn’t really matter. Over time, without resolution of an earlier situation, the anger lead to explosive outbursts that can be damaging in thoughts and words.

Getting a handle on your anger will help you, and your relationships with others, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Here are four steps you can take to manage your anger triggers better:

  1. Take control

The first thing is to realize that you are totally in control of how you react. Work out what your triggers are, and you can take your power back. You can anticipate and plan for situations where you know you’re likely to blow your top.

  1. Learn to read your body

Be conscious of how your anger manifests in your body. Likely your heart rate will go up, or your hands and jaw will clench. You might feel breathless or even get a stomachache, headache or back pain.

Tune into what your body is telling you, and you’ll learn to be able to stop the process of reacting. And remember the feelings themselves aren’t ‘bad’ but how you choose to respond to those feelings can be harmful, even destructive.

Instead of sweeping the papers off your desk onto the floor, or yelling, take a deep breath or go for a walk. Feeling triggered is often a result of low blood sugar, fatigue, or dehydration. Taking care of your physical needs can help you manage your emotional needs as well and make you more resilient to stresses and triggers.

  1. Identify what triggered you

Once you can interrupt the trigger response, you can start to work out what it was that set it off in the first place. Did you feel disrespected? Unheard? Were you mistreated or misunderstood? If someone pushed in front of you in the coffee line, what did that signal to you? That your needs aren’t important?

What about if someone talks over you or interrupts in a meeting? As well as being rude, you could feel sidelined, humiliated even. Triggers relate to our emotions, particularly negative ones so once you identify exactly what the emotion is, you can then find ways to get what you really want, i.e. from disrespect to respect etc.

 

  1. Choose your plan of action

Whatever your triggers might be, it’s totally up to you how you react. You can anticipate how you might feel and what you might do or say in response. Take a deep breath, detach from the situation, and focus on how you want to feel. You can choose to stay calm in triggering situations – it’s up to you. Scripting the situation, where you are ‘directing’ the scene will give you a different perspective and allow you to see how the action plan will play out; you won’t know what the other person(s) will do but it will give you more confidence to deal with that situation.

 

Anger is a natural state which really goes with being hurt by something that either someone did or did not do, or a scene did not play out the way we wanted it to.

Additionally, being in stress and overwhelm can lead to a form of anger and lashing out so, the more that you are aware of your triggers, the more you can educe these incidents from happening while being more in control of your thoughts and emotions.

It may take some time, but you can create a new habit with consistency. One last point – take deep breaths when your trigger arises to relax your brain and body.

 

Reach out if your find your having angry outburst or feel in overwhelm due to stress and anxiety; learn how we can help you develop relaxation and coping tools and strategies to get you more in control of your life.

 

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5 Stress Hacks You Didn’t Know About That Can

Everyone feels stressed sometimes. Maybe you had a rough day at work, or you’re going through some financial difficulties due to circumstances outside of your control. Stress can negatively impact your mental health, as well as your physical health.

If you’re having a hard time coping with stress in your life right now, we’ve got you covered. In this article, we’ve compiled 5 helpful stress hacks you probably didn’t know about!

1.    Do Tense and Release Exercises

Stress tends to manifest in certain areas of your body, especially your neck and shoulders. You might not be aware of it, but you’re probably carrying a whole lot of tension in these parts of your body. We tend to hold our emotions in under stress, either trying not to address it or not wanting to upset someone else – this constricts the red blood cells and the muscles so you feel ‘achy.’

Thankfully, a quick 15-minute tense-and-release exercise can help you loosen up and relax a bit. Starting with your toes (or you can start with your hands) and working your way up to your neck and face, tense and release your muscles, really focusing on the relaxation you feel. Once practiced, it will be like Pavlov’s dog, where you muscle-memory will kick in and relaxation will be automatic. It’s a an easy routine to establish.

2.    Go For Plenty of Walks

This is great advice for those who get stressed out at work from having to sit so much. Walking not only relieves stress and clears your head, but it has also been proven to improve sleep and inspire creative ideas. If you don’t have time to walk for thirty minutes or an hour, try taking three 10-minute walks throughout your work day. This is a great way, also, to take a brain break to increase your productivity.

3.    Listen to Music

The power of music is pretty amazing, as it engages our whole brain. Listening to calming music is a fantastic stress reliever, and it can even put you in a better mood. Lo-fi music has actually been proven to help people focus more efficiently on their work, especially those who suffer from mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and ADHD. You can listen to Pharrell’s song, Happy, as a great mood-lifter, along with dancing or movement.

4.    Focus on Your Breathing

You might have heard this one before, but that’s only because it’s such helpful advice! Our breathing patterns tend to change drastically when we’re excited, stressed, or scared. Focusing on your breathing and doing so, in a calm way, can promote relaxation. Listen to the sound of your breath, with your eyes closed, to relax your brain and body, along with boosting your energy. This is a great exercise to try when you’re sitting at your work desk.

5.    Start Journaling

Even if you haven’t kept a journal since junior high school, you can always get back into it! Recording your thoughts and keeping track of your feelings is a great way to relieve stress. Write about your day in your journal each night when you get home from work. That way, anything stressful that might have happened during the day is out of your mind and on the page. You can also set your goals and recognize accomplishments, or gratitudes, which can relax any stress you may feel in the moment.

Coaching Tip:

Managing stress is not easy, as it is an automatic response but, with time and effort, you can master these stress management tips, You will, then, be able to handle any stressors that you face with more ease and live a calmer, less chaotic life.

 

 

If you’re struggling with stress, don’t delay in getting help as it can overtake your life and lead to emotional and physical symptoms. Visit our website to learn about our programs and services. Mastering these can start today!

 

 

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